“Self….” Have you ever felt like you’re literally trapped inside your body & you just can’t get out? Like you wanna pull yourself out of the very skin you’re in?
One of my best friends & I were just talking about this today, partly thinking that it’s hilarious to even think about trying to rip your own skin from your body, but also serious about the idea of wanting to get away from “self.” Though she couldn’t fully understand my feeling trapped inside my “self”, she could relate in her own way of wanting to escape from her “self” through not wanting to be here on earth & instead at home, in heaven.
I’ve been thinking so much about “self” lately I guess. There are times I feel crazy from the neverending thoughts & emotions that run rampant throughout this “self” of mine & it makes me recognize how selfish I & we as human beings can be. It’s discouraging in some moments to realize how far I am from having God’s thoughts, emotions, & responses.
But, on the very same note it is also encouraging to know God’s grace covers me in all of my imperfection, in feeling I’m not able to get away from “self” & “self”ishness. I love that He’s not done with me or any of us. And this feeling trapped inside myself reminds me that much more of how we weren’t meant to live in this body, that even our spirit is groaning to be “home.” God’s been reiterating to me lately Jesus’ words in Matthew 16… “that if anyone wants to save his life he will lose it. But, anyone who loses his life for my sake will find it. If anyone would come after me He must deny him “SELF,” take up his cross, & follow me daily.” Man, how I need Him, we need Him!
