I’m not so concerned that I will be abandoned; I’m actually on the flip side… I’m the one doing the abandoning. I’ve come to believe that until you leave it ALL behind, you won’t discover who you are.
My identity is kind of at stake here.
This process requires my full attention, because it is entirely possible to leave my life behind, and still keep attachments. I can pack up my bag, leave my house, my car, my dog, my family, and friends, travel around the world unattached to anything or anyone in the States, and with white knuckles, still be holding onto all kinds of things. To leave it all behind means leaving even myself. Dying to myself even…
Mindsets, entitlement, validation, regrets, habits, comparisons, fears, insecurity, hopes, theology…
Theology… yeah. Lets start with that one. It’s got to go…
I know that the intention behind theology has always been good… but the repercussions of it have sometimes been devastating to the Body of Christ, not to mention to my mind.
The purpose is to learn, to understand, and to grow in knowledge and wisdom, which is no doubt of high value to the Lord. Proverbs is all over that subject. I went to Bible college for 5 years for that very reason, consumed with a hunger to learn about the Word of God from those with more wisdom and experience than me. But in some ways, the systematic ways of thinking calloused my heart, and numbed me to the power and freedom Jesus actually intended for me. Oh, that swinging pendulum…
I do not begin to claim to have this all figured out; I’m absolutely on a journey and am learning as I go. But so far on my journey, abandonment has led me to believe these things:
Theology does not confine my God. Nor am I contained inside of it.
He is the Beginning and the End. And I am IN Him.
My faith is not defined by a theology. I am not an Evangelical. Not a Charismatic. Not a Baptist. Not a Methodist or Lutheran. I am all of these, actually, not only one. I am not a denomination, nor is my faith. I don’t operate within the bounds of conservative, or liberal mindsets, post moderns, mystics, new age, or any other human box.
Ask me what I am, and I will tell you that I am God’s. Ask me what sect I belong to, and I will tell you none. I belong to Jesus, the One who came to abolish sects, denominations, and religion– all things that breed subtle, as well as blatant, disunity.
I do not worship because of the boundaries of organized religion, nor do I worship within them. I worship Jesus.
I don’t do what I do because my religion told me to.
I’m not on a worldwide missions trip because it was the next step in the line of good Christian things to do.
I want to know Him, in what makes Him joyful, and in the things He’s suffered… because when you know someone in their pain, that may be the deepest place to know them. I want to pattern my life after the One who I think lived it best. That makes me a follower of Christ.
I‘ve been adopted into a new family, taken out of my orphan-ness and into security. That makes me a child of Christ.
He speaks to me. Every day. He tells me things that are important to Him, and things He knows are important to me. He won’t turn His back, hide, or run away. That makes me a friend of Christ.
If I am a co-heir with Jesus, then that means I inherit all that He does. That makes me a sibling of Christ.
My address is in heaven, even now. Not just when I die. The Kingdom is here NOW, and I am currently seated in heavenly places, but am here on earth. (Oh, to wrap my mind around that one…) That makes me an ambassador of Christ.
I know His touch. There is no other place that I feel safer or more peaceful than in His protected embrace. I am passionate about knowing and loving Him, and just being WITH Him. He is insanely jealous for my love, and I belong to Him. That makes me the Beloved of Christ.
Positionally, when God sees me, He sees the perfection of Jesus and not my own offensive ugliness of sin. That makes me IN Christ.
I‘m abandoning theology, not because I think its evil, but because I have to leave my pre-conceived notions behind. He said, “You will find me when you seek me with all of your heart”… a heart that is completely bent on openness to truth, and not only what I’ve been taught. The Bible is clear that we’re to test everything.
A wise man has said: “We are not human beings engaged in a temporary spiritual experience, but instead we are spiritual beings engaged in a temporary human experience. Therefore we need to understand our role and identity in the Kingdom of God.”
Understanding my identity means learning to live life in the Spirit, away from only what my eyes see, my ears hear, my nose smells, my fingers feel, and my tongue tastes. (Isaiah 11:3) I’m so analytical by nature anyways; always thinking, sometimes to a fault of thinking myself into dead places. I’m done with that.
I don’t need a degree in Biblical studies to understand God. Going to seminary doesn’t make me an expert of His love, grace, and will. Dwelling inside of me is the Spirit of the Living God, who goes to the absolute depths of all things. Alive and well in me, is the same power that resurrected Christ from the grave.
If I have that, what will man’s explanations and opinions packed inside of a neatly wrapped box of understanding add to my life?
So the abandonment of lines, divisions, answers for the sake of knowing, and of carnal head knowledge has occurred. For we do not live by the flesh, but by the Spirit.
Its starting to make more sense… when you loose your life, its then that you will find it.
