In tears and having a heart to heart with God sitting at the counter, I prayed a simple prayer. “God, you’ve shown me more grace and love than my heart can handle right now. God, I am so overwhelmed with how much you have for me and remain faithful to me when I have not been faithful to you. We both know this is impossible for me on my own to go on this trip. I have no money and raising $18,000 is something I can’t do on my own. God, you’ve led me this far and I will actively choose to have faith in you even if it seems crazy to me. God, I will not fear the lack of funds or discouragement Satan will throw at me. I will trust that you will provide and come through. God, I will do what I can, but I need you for this to even work.”
Even though my fellow trip members have raised thousands I have only my $150 dollar deposit to keep me going. Sending letters with no response and inviting everyone I know to dinner for donations with only 5 RSVP’s is to say the least utterly discouraging. I knew instantly the anger and bitterness rising in me was not of God nor was it me being patient and faithful. I have to pray and ask God to give me a spirit of love.
I’d like to say this was a month ago and now a mysterious donor paid all of my expenses, but I’m still here, with a couple hundred dollars more, but not even close to my deadline expenses. Perhaps God is teaching my to be patient and faithful, or perhaps He’s letting me mature before my next step. Either way for those of you who may be in the same boat, struggling to see what God is doing and wondering if He’s doing anything please don’t give up so easily. Do what you can and realized God is a provider and His ways are most certainly not our ways. Remain faithful and do the work the Lord has laid before you. He will take care of the rest.
