So if you read my blog post a few days ago, you heard about how I was in charge of planning and executing PVT. During that time I had the chance to talk to some really amazing people who encouraged me and that was such a good thing because Romania was hard. I think I cried more that month than the whole of my Race. And that my friends is saying something cause I have cried a lot this year. One of the conversations though made me really think about why god took me on this journey this year.
While talking to some members of T Squad one evening after worship, they got to asking me why I was not a team leader or a Treasurer or a Logistics person this year. I had shown obvious leadership and logistical ability this month and to them it didn’t make sense. And to me for a long time it didn’t make sense either. I was confused why I wasn’t chosen. I was worried I hadn’t proven myself, that I wasn’t good enough, and in that I questioned God and got really unfairly upset with the people on my squad who were chosen. I sat in that bitterness for way longer than I would like to admit. I let the enemy have that victory.
So when they asked me that question. I had to think about why God chose for me not to have those positions. And here is what I learned.
Its not about me.
Its not about my abilities or qualifications. It’s not about if I could do it or not. Rather it’s about what god could do through me this year by being a servant. By being submissive. I had to trust someone other than myself to provide for me. I had to trust my tram leaders to have my best interest at heart and make group decisions. I had to trust my treasurers to feed me and provide me with the basic need of money and food. I had to trust the logistics team to get me from one place to another safely, to provide housing and food when we got there. I had to trust other people this year and submit to them. I had to understand that by having my hands in the pot, doesnt make things go my way.
but ultimately I had to submit to and trust Him. My good good Father would take care of me. He would house me and feed me: he would get me safely from place to place. He would stretch me and grow me. He would break me of my chains and my comfort zones. He would be enough.
I could have sat in my bitterness the rest of the Race, but who would that be helping? I’m glad the Lord didn’t put me in leadership, because I learned so much more by just being me.
