I had this vision that Dang would come to Christ with a wide smile, grinning from ear to ear, joyous, hugging us, with a happy attitude inspired by the new life he had found-not that he would come with a cautious and fearful one. I was upset that the cliché story I had written was not how it happened. From my point of view I had a wonderful script, and the actors just weren’t delivering the way I wanted. I felt as though everything had been ruined and I was angry.
All I could see were the places of error, how Mai had acted out of place. But then I had to ask myself… Was Mai really out of place? She probably should not have pressured him the way she did, but in the end she was truly concerned for his salvation, and Dang DID accept Christ. His verbal acceptance was just the first step. Who am I to say that his heart would not follow? Even after being born and baptized into Christianity I didn’t truly claim Christ as my own identity until MUCH later. So why was I condemning the way this acceptance happened? It should have been something I was celebrating, not something I was lamenting. But more importantly why did I not trust the way that it happened? Did I truly not believe that God has the best plan? Did I really think that God couldn’t bring beauty out of the dust? I wanted to rectify the situation, but that is not up to me- because ultimately it is Jesus who rectifies us. It may not have been the “perfect” and flawless acceptance that I had imagined, but what made it any less valuable or perfect?
Maybe God wanted a struggle of uncertainty, to add strength to Dang’s testimony. Maybe it happened this way for a specific reason so that God could work something even more beautiful out of what I perceived as a tragedy. I was filled with fear. I was fearful that this environment of pressure Mai had unfortunately created, would turn him away from the love of Christ. But I never realized how weak I was making Christ’s love by thinking this way. In my fear I did not consider that Jesus’ love is stronger. I did not immediately trust that even amidst what I thought would turn Dang off from Christianity, the attraction of Jesus’ love alone would be strong enough to captivate his heart. I was so wrapped up in presenting him a polished and pristine introduction to Christianity that I had lost sight of the pure beauty of Jesus’ love. I lost faith in the fact that His love is powerful and beautiful enough to attract His children to Him all on its own, regardless of us. I lost sight of the radiance of God’s love, the attractiveness of it, and the power of the Holy Spirit to work in and through Dang despite the extenuating situations. After all, our God is not of this world. He has the power to bring Dang to Himself without me, without Mai, and without any specific or perfect situation.
I quickly realized the anger, hurt, and bitterness I felt on behalf of Dang was actually an offense I felt against myself. In my pride I was upset that what I had worked so hard to achieve (an easy and smooth transition for Dang into a life for Jesus), had been spoiled. I had tried to set it up seamlessly, and my work and vision was quickly crumpled up and discarded. But as I write this I realize how ridiculous that vision is. The results stunned and bothered me because I was operating out of a works-based mentality. In my heart I was thinking, I will do XYZ and then God has to honor my efforts by delivering in this specific way. My pride and need for reward left no room for God’s creativity or vision. I wanted my work to be manifest in Dang’s salvation. How prideful of me. It should never have been about me. And once I was able to realize my pride in my hurt, I was incredibly humbled.
It is not about me- this trek I am on. Bringing people to Jesus is not about adding another point to my tally, or to gain a pat on the back from God. It is not about how I can facilitate the perfect environment for the perfect acceptance of Christ with trumpets playing and angels singing. It is purely for the love of Christ. God’s love is so strong that it needs to be spread to every corner, to every nation. And this trip is simply about bringing it. The fact is, every salvation story is a perfect story. All the bumps and hardships and struggles along the way are what make a testimony so strong. Because it is in those moments that we are carried by Christ. It is in those moments that Jesus perfects our weakness, and uses it to His glory. Why would l want a seamless step into faith for anyone? That sounds so boring, so heartless. As my best friend Meggs once said, “Jesus calls us to pick up our cross and follow Him, not to pick our daisies”. A walk of faith is made stronger by the trials we go through. Jesus develops hind feet for us to walk upon the steep and rocky mountains. And I have to trust that God is developing Dang’s hind feet right now. I have to trust that the Lord is working in his heart in ways that are too powerful for me to even imagine. It is not my work done in him, but the work of Christ done in Him. So I pray that the Holy Spirit sets his heart ablaze, and that one day Dang will not only be able to live for Christ with a heart fully devoted to him, without the fear and guilt, but that he will also be able to bring his wife and children to Him too.
Our last day of ministry we taught an English class at Grace café, and invited Dang to come. He did come, and it was wonderful. We were so very excited to see him, and so glad that he would be able to be encouraged by the others that were also newly learning both English and about Christ. At the end of the lesson, as Dang was leaving and knew he would most likely never see us again, he presented me with Vietnamese keychains- tan little plastic versions of the traditional hats. There were 5 in total, one for each of us. But he pulled out one that was different from the rest, a brink pink one, and handing it to me said, “For you”. I hesitated for a moment before accepting it, a little overwhelmed by the intentionality and heart of the gift. Then we hugged. And he hugged me sincerely, a little longer and a little tighter, in a dear way full of emotion. As he pulled away we both had tears in our eyes- knowing that we shared something special, and I would like to think sharing the bond of Jesus’ love.
Dang is very dear to me. And the fact that he had set aside a special pink hat keychain was so touching. I hate pink. But I love that keychain because of the relationship it represents and the way God blessed us for one wonderful month. Now I use it as a prayer reminder token for Dang and his family, and also as a reminder of how wonderful God is, sending specific people at the perfect time to show us His love through the love of others. So I share this story with you now to remind you: to celebrate the hardships in your testimony, to be grateful to those who God blessed you with to help you through them, to celebrate the addition of a new brother in Christ, and to ask for your prayers for Dang as he enters into this new journey of Faith.
