Photo courtesy of Alyssa Munger Johnson
Welcome to the smorgasbord that is my brain. I've been racking my mind trying to come up with something to say. We haven't posted in a few weeks so I thought it was about time, but I can't think of anything to say. Perhaps if I'm just honest the words will flow naturally. We'll see.
A lot has happened since training camp. I wish I could say that for me personally I came home and my spiritual journey just took off, that I had so much momentum, but that would be a lie. Honestly, I feel the exact opposite has happened. When at camp I suddenly had a hunger and desire for God that I've not had for a long time. I felt like I was falling in love with Him all over again. (If you've ever been to a youth camp, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.) I wanted so much for that momentum to continue, but I've done nothing to fuel that fire. I've settled back into a state of mediocrity, and I've been fine with that.
Now, of course I've been busy. Of course we've been running around trying to take care of things. We've gone to doctors, gotten vaccinations, spoken to churches, spent a week in Arkansas with my family, told our story countless times to so many people, and on and on the list goes. But, I feel like I'm back to this "don't just sit there, do something" stage again, and I don't think it's really what God wants from me right now.
Granted, launch is only 16 days away, there is so much we still need to take care of, and I'm still freaking out about everything (launch, finances, being gone for 11 months, what the heck we'll do when we get back, etc.). So, aren't I somewhat entitled to be all over the place right now? Isn't it understandable that I should be freaking out? Who has time for faith and trying to cultivate a relationship when they're so busy? I'm trying to do things for the Lord for crying out loud!
And so I've fallen back into the same rut so many of us do so often. Sometimes we become so busy trying to do things for God that we forget God doesn't need us to do anything. We so often feel like we're doing God a service by trying to do everything for Him. So why am I even going on the World Race? Isn't that what I'll be doing for 11 months, serving God?
Please don't misunderstand me. The problem is not the busyness of doing things for God. The problem is the motivation behind the busyness. Am I doing this for God because I love Him and desire to live for Him, or am I doing this because I feel that I will gain something or be entitled to something or whatever? My motivation should come from my being completely and hopelessly in love with a God who is so completely and hopelessly in love with me. No expectations. No ultimatum.
I think the psalmist had it right when he wrote, "'Be still, and know that I am God.'" (Ps. 46:10) But I often think we neglect to read the rest of the chapter. Of course we're supposed to be still and listen to God, spend time with Him, maybe even have a little "quiet time" or Bible study. But that one little sentence, "be still", is surrounded by chaos. The passage says that though war surrounds us, though people are in an uproar, though the very earth is destroyed, we are to "be still" because He is God.
So what now for me? What now for you? Where are you? What are you doing? Maybe your life is complete chaos, good or bad. Maybe your chaos is like mine and there's so much going on that you feel you have to do something, anything. How will you respond? For me, I need to go back to God's original call, "Don't just do something, stand there". (Go back and read our call to the World Race.) It's time, in the midst of chaos, to "be still". He is God. He is our strength and our refuge. Will you be still?
Thank you so much for keeping up with our blog. Thank you for your love, support and prayers. We are currently sitting at about 61% funded for our trip (about $19,000 of the $31,000). We couldn't have done it without you. So from the bottom of our hearts, thank you. Please continue to pray for us, for our team (which we're so excited to be a part of!), for the people we meet, and that God would be glorified. Please also continue to pray about your part in this journey. Will you pray? Will you give? Will you go?
