So here's another lesson I've learned these past 10 months. It's a big one.
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2.) Process is okay.
I’m learning that being in process is part of being human, and we need to learn to not only endure this “time of growth”, but to actually love it.
Jesus was in process during his life. Luke 2:52 tells us that “Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man”. Have you ever thought about that verse much? Jesus grew in wisdom, meaning that it was okay that his wisdom went from one level to another. For some reason, even though it was okay for Jesus, it hasn’t been okay for me on this trip. When they assigned me as team leader month one I put this pressure on myself to be the flawless leader in the eyes of everyone. I felt as if I already needed to know what to say in every circumstance, how to handle all cross cultural experiences, how to communicate with difficult contacts, how to lead through good times and bad. But I didn’t know how to do any of that as well as I tried to pretend. I wasn’t okay with admitting that I didn’t know what to do in certain circumstances, pride kept me from asking for help. And what I realized about pride in our lives is this..
Pride flows from insecurity. It is our insecurities that push us to overcompensate with what we know is not really true about us. The most prideful people in this world are the most insecure ones.
I don’t like the process. I just want to arrive at how to do all things perfectly and no mistakes. But as we’ve all heard it.. we don’t learn if we don’t make mistakes. And if we’re so afraid of making mistakes, we become scared to take any risks. And there is no greater joy than to live in full surrender to God, taking risks for the sake of His glory every day.
I’ve always been afraid to just try new things that I don’t have much experience with. I remember being in he Philippines doing street ministry at night with some street boys. I met a young 17 year old kid named Kris and another 16 year old who wanted to learn more about following Jesus. They were the only 2 that came to me after I talked about the love of God to about 12 of them. Most of them had homes but chose to live on the streets to sell drugs, rob people and just do anything to get out of their abusive household. I remember when they said yes to me asking them if they wanted to learn more about what a relationship with God looked like. But immediately I realized I wasn’t a pro at discipling guys who knew nothing about Jesus by any means. I immediately felt feelings of inadequacy and insecurity in my teaching ability. But then God reminded me about process. He reminded me that I would never learn how to disciple young dudes if I never tried. So the next week I went to the street corner embracing my limitations as a human and simply obeyed. We read the bible together, I asked them questions, they asked me questions. I had them read more and tell me what they learned about God after reading the stories. I was no professional disciple maker, but I was reminded that God isn’t looking for professionals.
God just wants our simple obedience, not our futile attempts at doing things perfectly. He knows we can’t do anything without His grace. We just remain obedient and His Spirit will teach us in the process.
I remember not wanting to buy a camera for the longest time because I wasn’t as good as some of my friends. I now look back and see how silly that was. If I never picked up a camera I would have never began to grow in my experiential knowledge of it. It’s the same thing with our walk with God and our obedience to Jesus. If we don’t just try to pray, try to share an encouraging word with someone, try and go on that missions trip, try and disciple that street kid in the Philippines.. we’ll never give the Spirit the opportunity to teach us. And believe me, sometimes you’re going to feel like you’re not growing at all. When I got sick in Haiti I lost battles to my attitude everyday. I forgot what God did when he gave us authority to pray out any demonic oppression in the house just a few days before. Some days I feel like I take 1 step forward and 10 steps back. But when God allows me to stumble back 10 steps, He’s doing that because He loves me and knows that my faith will be strengthened in the process. So embrace the process of growth, thats was life with God is all about. Don’t worry about arriving to some point in your walk with Him. Remember, Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God. And if it was okay for Jesus to be in process, it should be okay with you to be too.
So today, go do something you’re not that good at. And don’t let your insecurities get in the way of living. Just like Jesus, let the security and assurance of the Father’s love motivate you into taking courageous risks today. Christ came to set us free from insecurity, pride, fear and all those things that hold us back from living fully. Remember, as my hero James Teyler once said..
“You’re loved, you’re alive.”
Now go and live in that truth today.
