Stop Running

Let go.

Those are the words I heard
The Lord speak to me in the worship session that kicked off training
camp. I immediately tried to push those words aside afraid that they
might come a little too close for comfort. As the week continued
though, I felt God digging deeper and deeper until He seemed to cut
to the core.

See I’m really good at
running. When things get even just a bit too uncomfortable, I run.
When people get too close and it gets a little bit scary, I run. When
there is a new season coming too quick in my life, I run. Any kind of
unknown seems to send me running.

I’ve become so good at
running that it has almost become instinct for me. I knew that
training camp would be a messy and uncomfortable place that God would
use to ask me to lay some things down and to stop running.

As we entered the second
day of training camp, I felt the Lord keep working on my heart. It
was beginning to get a little too uncomfortable for me. Everything
inside me screamed to run away but I knew I had to stay. The Lord was
begging for me to start running to Him and not away from Him. Yes,
there are times that running to Him will break us down. But in that
He promises to restore our lives and draw us closer to Him.

The Lord wanted to take me
deeper but I was scared. Going deeper with Him meant letting go of
some pain and fears that I had held onto for a long time. As He was
asking me to lay these things down, I started bargaining with Him:

Lord, I don’t really
have to deal with this stuff do I? I am so happy to follow you into
the nations, but isn’t that enough? Do I really have to walk through
the process of healing before I go? I’ll go, just don’t make me deal
with this junk.

As I continued to wrestle
with the Lord, one of my squad mates came over to me. She told me
that God wants to see every bit of my heart, even the darkest and the
ugliest parts and that He wants me to stop running. Those words
pierced my heart as soon as she spoke them to me. Through the course
of the week, the Lord continued to work on my heart. It was painful,
but so good and so necessary.