Over a year ago, I arrived at training camp: preparation for this crazy adventure called the World Race. I found myself surrounded by dozens of strangers who would one day become my teammates and close friends. The first night, after a breathless and nerve-racking arrival, trying to find my place in the midst of all the action and unfamiliar faces, we went on a torch-lit walk through the shadowy woods of Georgia. One by one we arrived at stations in the night where we made a vow by stamping our thumbprint in red ink. Each station was specific, but the overarching theme was clear – “I am laying down my expectations for this year.”
Fast-forward to Month 11 of the Race…
Malaysia was supposed to be one big month of celebration, reflection, and our final fling before we set foot back on American soil. I know that may not sound like the best attitude to take into a month of “ministry”, but our team was placed in Kuala Lumpur, the huge, beautiful, first-world capital city, so I knew it couldn’t be too uncomfortable or difficult of living conditions. On top of that, our contact’s email to me seemed to indicate that he was sending us off to the beach for some time to rest and reflect on our journey… it sounded absolutely incredible to us!
KL was even better than I expected. I love big cities, and in the less-than-24-hours that I was there, this one brought a whole new meaning to the term in my mind. But our contact decided before we even arrived that we would hop on a bus immediately to head to the “east coast”.
We were a bit disappointed, but I still thought there must be some exciting and beautiful stuff waiting for us after the exhilarating taste of Malaysia I had experienced so far. And the east coast sure didn’t sound bad (the pictures on Google image were beautiful!)
But… nope.
We were dropped off right alongside a major highway, some in-between, middle-of-nowhere town called Kuala Krai. There was no beautiful city. No sparkling coffee shops. No big dazzling mall. And there was definitely no tropical beach on which to “rest and reflect”.
Pastor Yesudason picked us up in his rickety van and took us to our new home – the upstairs apartment in a Chinese church. He told us about the ministry we would be doing, and it sounded horrifyingly reminiscent of Africa (door-to-door ministry, speaking and preaching in churches, and basically whatever missionary odd-jobs he found for us to do).
I have to admit, I am exaggerating a little bit in my description of our “horrible” situation. But it really was a let-down after we had built up some big expectations. Our flesh was hyped for the touristy, relaxing month we were supposed to have ahead of us. When the realization hit that we were not, whatsoever, at a tourist destination, our entire team was a bit dejected.
On our first night in our steamy “living room”, Rose spoke up the words that all of our hearts needed to hear.
“You guys, we’ve forgotten why we’re here. We laid down our expectations at training camp! Now, at the end of the year, do we think we’re here to vacation? Or do we realize that we are here to serve the Lord, wherever He puts us, whatever He asks of us?”
Her words ignited something in my heart. We went to bed without much discussion, but my mind didn’t shut off easily. I knew that some of my teammates’ hearts were heavy. I also knew that we had been given the option of returning to KL at whatever point we decided upon as a team. But I was struggling with the desire to make that decision out of a selfish heart rather than a servant’s heart. Ironic after everything the Lord had just walked me into in giving away my guitar to the orphanage in Cambodia (previous blog 🙂
The next morning during my time with the Lord, I was restless and anxious about how He would answer and whether or not my whole team would be on the same page in making the decision. I felt prompted to put in my earbuds and lie flat on my face before the Lord in His presence, so I did. As I lay on our cool tile floor, lyrics about His love and goodness filled my ears.
Suddenly the Spirit began to flood into my heart. I got up and began to journal, words falling fast, as I considered what God’s alternate plan might be and my heart started pounding.
“What if the Spirit breaks out among us in ways we’ve never seen before? What if we see healings? What if our hearts are affected and changed more in this one and final month of the Race than in all the others combined? What if the rest we are hoping and looking for has nothing to do with the physical and everything to do with the spiritual? Will we reject that because we are set on something more comfortable, more fancy, more exciting, more delicious to our flesh?”
The Lord began to put very specific things on my heart as I thought about each of my teammates. He has shown me their gifts in the past, but it was suddenly so clear that He wanted those things to be drawn out and become reality more than ever before this month. As I have led this team and He has taught me how to lead, the biggest thing He has put on my heart other than love is to lead them into their giftings by enabling and propelling them into those places. I could see what those things were. I got so excited! As I wrote about the possibilities I saw, it hit me over and over again and I wrote:
“That stuff sounds better to me than Starbucks and all the treats and pleasures and joys that KL has to offer. It also sounds like more work cuz it means staying here and having our hearts continually checked. Why are we here? I feel like Pastor Yesudason may be the key to unlocking deeper and more powerful gifts and passions and dreams inside of us, but we have to be willing to look through our external circumstances and open our ears to hear.”
When my team came together, I shared with them what the Lord was speaking to me. They shared their hearts as well and I was shocked and blessed as I visibly watched God leading our team throughout that day to a place of new surrender, new openness to Him, new willingness to lay down our expectations and desires. This is the final month of the Race! Time to go out with a bang!
We’ve been here four days now. Pastor is crazy! One of the most physically weak, eccentric, and spirit-filled people I have met in my entire life. I am humbled and blown away by him on a greater level each day. And I also laugh even harder at his quirks. I want to spend every moment I can with this man of God, and absorb every word he says and every story he shares. In the world’s eyes, he must seem like a fanatic. Yet he walks with God and serves tirelessly and loves uniquely but deeply.
God knows what we need so much better than we do. When we are clinging to the plastic pearls, He continually asks us to let go of them so He can place a real pearl necklace around our neck. His real thing is so much better than the physical, counterfeit alternative. I love where I am. I love how He is leading me so gently into new things every day. I love that I could go on and on and continue to tell you so many stories, but time and space won’t permit. That’s how good He is. And that is how I know that I will never regret laying down my expectations for His.
