My stomach’s grumbling. My own fault for just drinking a Stoney float (Stoneys are my new favorite soda – a ginger-flavored bottle of deliciousness that is sold all over Africa :). And I just couldn’t resist the addition of ice cream today, since we are here at “The Coffee Shop”, a wi-fi hotspot run by an Englishman that attracts all the mzungus (white people) in the area.
This morning my team, along with squad leader Brittany, woke up at 6:30 am to break our 4-day fast by sharing communion. At the end of last week, it was on our hearts to press in to what God is doing and seek greater breakthrough in our lives and as a team. Hugh decided to fast for four days. I was stoked when three of my other teammates were also onboard. Our contacts graciously told us to take the week off of work, giving us time to rest and pray and seek God while our bodies were weak.
Though I didn’t recognize it right away, I soon realized a huge aspect of why God had called me into this fast. I recently finished a book that has passed through our squad like wildfire over the last few months, Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship (by Jack Frost – read it!). Through it, the Lord has been creating a greater and greater hunger within me for an encounter with the Father’s love. I know that He has already changed my heart so much on this Race and drawn me into a place of security and rest like never before. But the work is not complete. I still find my heart striving for the approval of people, performance-driven, and afraid to rock the boat. I am not content to remain as I am! As God’s calling on my life and the giftings He has given me are beginning to bubble to the surface, I know that I cannot walk this road with this burden of people-pleasing still on my back. God has so much more for each one of us – a position of such confidence as His sons and daughters that we walk through each day radiating liquid love and peace and security, drawing people to us like magnets because we are free! As we like to say in D squad, “Free people are attractive!”
My focus was drawn back to Jesus as our fast came close to conclusion (on the Race, I have been diving into new discoveries as I pursue more understanding of the Father and Spirit, which I didn’t spend a lot of time on prior to the Race). I found myself reading Ephesians 3: “May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” It is in His love that we are complete! Fullness of life and power sounds pretty awesome to me!
In journaling and prayer, I asked God for more. I asked not only for me to encounter His love in a transformative way, but for my whole team. Father, show us our identity and inheritance as sons and daughters, no longer slaves. Free us from a mentality of striving, of duty, of proving ourselves.
Last night, as tired and weak as I should have been after four days without food, I found myself awake, alert, and unable to sleep for several hours. Our tents are set up inside the church sanctuary, and within mine I had my Bible, my journal, and headlamp, which were put to good use during that time. Scripture came alive and I searched it hungrily as the Father’s presence wrapped around me and I listened for His voice and words – for me, for my teammates…
We woke up this morning and I felt His joy still encircling me. Together we came around the body and blood of Christ (a slice of brown bread and grace juice – amazing someone was able to hunt that down in Kenya!). The light grew as we sat in a circle in the dimly-lit sanctuary, joined together around the reality of the work of our Savior.
Later today, Mark talked about sensing the Father’s love in a very real way last night as well. I see the marks of increasing love in every member of my team, and I feel it in my own heart. I know that there is still more to come. I know that the depths of love I am diving into are bottomless. His affection is extravagant. He gives because He loves to bless us. He blesses us because it is His nature and we are His cherished children. How could I not enter each day with a song of joy in my heart and love radiating from every pore in my body to whoever happens to be closest? I am His!
p.s. Sorry for no photos of where we are and ministry in Kenya! Can't get good enough internet to upload right now. But stay posted – it's coming! 🙂
