You can never know, going into the day, or even just leaving the house, what you are about to encounter. The last three days have crashed over us like a storm here in El Salvador, and yet through it all we stand secure because the Rock beneath our feet is solid. As Graham Cooke phrases it, peace is not the absence of pressure. Peace is when the force of pressure from within is greater than the force of the pressure from outside. If there is one thing I am learning, it is that all the glory goes to God, because all the power comes from Him and is His.
The things I share may come at some of you from left field, and in the midst of it I have to acknowledge that I have so many unanswered questions myself. Yet my confidence in the God I serve is only strengthened through all these things. I so clearly see the truth in Paul’s words, “Despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us� (Romans 8:37 NLT).
Thursday afternoon, our teams drove to a poor local community with Victor, Sara, and the other staff from the church we’re working with. All we knew was that we were handing out food to the people. As it turned out, we divided into groups to visit each house, evangelizing and praying for the families, as well as inviting them to the ensuing worship service.
The second home we walked into, the unexpected happened. It only took seconds for us to realize that there was a dead man lying on the bed, his face covered with a lace cloth. Through translation, we learned that he had died only an hour or two before we arrived. His mother, a frail but beautiful older woman with tear-stained face, welcomed us into the home in the midst of her mourning. One of my squad-mates proposed that we pray for the dead man to be raised, and so we did! After all, Jesus raised the dead, as did Peter (Acts 9:40). As we prayed, I fully expected to see God respond to the faith filling that room. I fixed my eyes on the man’s limp hand and chest, waiting to see him move, to see breath flood into his lungs.
Nothing happened.
I know what some of you are thinking… “Duh, Jill!� Or perhaps you wonder if my team and I are completely insane. All that aside, I am convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that God absolutely had the power in that moment to raise the dead man. Why He didn’t, I can’t say. But I do know that in that moment, when his mother embraced us and sang of Jesus and prayed with us, God was powerful over the heaviness and darkness in that room.
The next day, we visited another community where I met a little boy who welcomed me and my teammates with open arms (he literally came running down the gravel road to greet us with arms outspread!). As we sang, played with the kids, and shared testimonies, I noticed that he seemed a bit off in the way he was acting. Other kids began pointing at him and making motions to explain to me that he was crazy. He responded by lashing out, hitting them, growing very angry. I drew him into my arms to divert the distraction that was escalating. As soon as he was in my lap, he grew completely still and peaceful.
Before we left, some of my teammates prayed over him and his mother, but we had to leave before they could communicate all the things that they wanted to share. That night, as we debriefed these experiences, it was clear that there had been so much happening in the spiritual realm. Many of us felt a heaviness, and a lot of questions were raised. We countered it with prayer, encouraging each other in the truth, proclaiming peace and light over our house and our group.
The next night, attack came from a new angle against our team. This time, the devil was trying to bring destruction by creating division, misunderstanding, and hurt within our group. I felt the tension building until it was explosive and everything inside me was screaming in panic at the situation that no one had foreseen coming. We were forced to leave it unresolved that night, and I went to bed with a heavy heart, unable to sleep late into the night as I prayed for my team and for complete grace and reconciliation to come for each one of us.
In the midst of this new turmoil, one of my teammates received news of an even greater tragedy over the internet the following afternoon. One of her closest friends had passed away just hours before, completely unexpectedly. Again we were forced to stare death in the face. I could not even wrap my brain around what was happening, as if the carpet had been pulled out from beneath our feet and suddenly nothing was secure, nothing was certain.
Yet God was present. My awe at how my team has worked through conflict is beyond words. Last night, I sat in a circle like none I have ever been in before. A circle of women willing to go to any length, to endure any pain, to acknowledge weakness and hurt but not hold it, and to come back with a commitment and determination to love and bless and serve one another through it all. To say that I am honored to be a member of this circle is a drastic understatement.
Last night I lay in bed, wide awake until after 2 am. I struggled to pray, yet felt so heavy. Finally I retrieved my iPod and began listening to a sermon. As I listened, I suddenly felt an overwhelming fear and dark presence over me that left my body covered in sweat and goose bumps. All I could do was lie paralyzed and whisper again and again the name of Jesus, knowing that there is real power in no one else. No matter what evil is present, He is stronger!
The darkness passed.
With only four hours of sleep, I awoke completely refreshed and ready for the morning of ministry (which was beautiful – I so wish I had room to describe it but I am already way over my word count limit 🙂
To all of you who have prayed for me and my team over the past few days, thank you so much. You are doing battle with me! I know that your prayers have moved heaven and God has responded.
