Your love has ravished my heart, and taken me over, taken me over.
And all I want is to be with you forever, with you forever.
So pull me a little closer, take me a little deeper,
I wanna know your heart, I wanna know your heart…
The song played on repeat on my iPod for most of my quiet time this morning. This has been my prayer lately, to know God’s heart more and more. As I was praying the words of the song I asked God what that might look like.
Immediately my mind turned to a man that I encountered in month 1 in Guatemala. He was homeless and often slept at a bus stop in the center of the town square. I don’t remember when it first was that I noticed him, but when I did I felt a clear conviction to bring him something to eat.
Conviction. It’s a loaded word and I’ve often had trouble navigating it. For me, it’s the critical moment when you feel a sudden urge to talk to someone, or pray for someone, or anything really that forces me outside of my comfort zone. Back home in the states I freeze up in those moments.
It would be too weird to stop and talk with the homeless man on my way into work- or too dangerous, or too awkward…
This time was different and I decided that I was going to do something about this feeling. I shared with a teammate of mine that there was a man that we had passed a few times that I wanted to bring a meal to. She agreed to come with me and even split the cost of the food with me.
It was only as we approached him that I realized that I had no idea what I was going to say to him. Worry settled in until I stopped to take in the harsh reality of this man’s situation. I cringed at the strong scent of urine that most likely soaked the many layers of clothes he was laying in, rotted cardboard made poor use as a pillow for his head, his feet were large and swollen like he had been walking barefoot his whole life, and he probably hadn’t been spoken to in who knows how long. No one would stand or sit near him, and he was fast asleep (or so it appeared) at 3 in the afternoon.
In that moment it mattered nothing to me why he was there, how he got there, or who he was. I was overcome with compassion and desired only that in that very moment he would know that he was special. Maybe not special by the standards of this world, but special by the standards of the Kingdom of a Heavenly Father who loves him.
I slowly approached and said the only thing that would come to my mind as I handed him the food, “Jesus Christo te ama…” His eyes lit up and he smiled as he sat up and reached out to accept my poor offer of a nourishing meal.
As I reflected on that moment I knew in every fiber of my being that that was God’s heart on display that afternoon. I didn’t compel myself to do something nice for someone that day, I let the gentle tug of the Holy Spirit move through me. We were able to feed the man again before we left Quiche and I continue to pray for him today.
I had a similar moment this past weekend. My team and I had taken our day off to visit San Juan del Sur, a small tourist beach town on the Pacific side of Nicaragua. Some of the team went to play with sea turtles, others of us took a surfing lesson, and some just relaxed at the beach. It was a great day but my mind kept wandering back to a man named Oscar, the 60-something year old American who managed the hostel we had checked into that morning.
I knew something was special about Oscar from the moment we met him. He was gentle, kind, selfless, eager to go out of his way to help us with anything we needed.. and honestly just a little bit out of place. He was born and raised in the states but had lived in many other countries since then. It was written all over his face – he had a story, and I could tell it wasn’t an easy one. In case it wasn’t already apparent by his circumstances, his eyes spoke loudly that something deep inside of him was searching for something more.
My teammate Kate and I both felt it and wanted to do something about it. However, by the time Sunday morning rolled around we had gotten so busy that we hadn’t acted on the conviction that hadn’t left. As we waited for the bus with our group by the entry to the hostel, Oscar made his way over once again to help us out and see us off. It was our last opportunity so in a dire moment Kate and I asked him if he’d mind if we prayed for him. He was quick to accept the offer. I’ll never forget his response… with tears in his eyes and a 100-watt smile on his face, he jumped to his feet and gave us big hugs and thanked us over and over again. As I reflect on that moment, I know that was God’s heart on display that afternoon.
Despite the uncomfortableness I felt in approaching Oscar or the homeless man in Quiche, I knew instantly that the Lord had ordained those moments and opened my eyes to see his people the way He does. He didn’t care what crazy things Oscar had done to bring him into his current circumstance, he didn’t care how bad or how good or how poor the homeless man was…He saw them both as His beloved children.
As I continue on my race I pray for more of these moments. I pray to be stretched out of my comfort zone. I pray that God will give me eyes to see His people the way He does and break my heart to serve the least of these. I pray that with each and every one of these moments that God will reveal more of Himself to me and continue to give me more and more of His heart.
That’s what this is all about.
XX
