It's been awhile. So sorry…I could offer up all the excuses of poor or no internet or the fact that when I sit down to blog, my mind goes completely blank. But here I am…and I'm going to try to catch up…if only for the reason that I want to record what God has done, so that I never forget.
So, let's start with the lessons that God taught me in Malaysia…even though that was 2 months ago.
I have to apologize again because I never told you about the ministry we were involved with in Malaysia. Most of the team worked in a kindergarten while a few of us worked everyday to put together an ESL program for the ministry (teaching English as a second language). I had no clue where to begin, but it was fun to be able to teach the kids a few times a week and to try to find resources for groups that will come after us to use.
What I loved the most about the month, however, was that we had time and space to get alone with God since we lived in our own house. We created a prayer room where we were able to get alone and pray, worship, and create art. Even though the lessons came through painful times of wrestling with God, it's always worth it to step more into the places that God intended us to live.
Well, maybe I have to back up one more month to Thailand, because that’s when the turning point began. The culture of the community on the World Race is one where we constantly speak truth over one another. To some, speaking truth has just become World Race lingo that they hate to use now…but to me, it has become the hinge on which ministry rests. Because speaking truth requires an intentionality and focus to recognize when you or others are believing lies. So, when you sit with someone and talk about your lives, you’re not there to make each other simply feel better, your intent is to recognize and call out lies and help each other step into living according to the truth.
Usually it is easier to recognize the lies another is believing than it is to see your own blind spots. But eventually, no matter how much truth you know in your head, it becomes difficult to speak it over another person if you are not rooted in the truth and living it out yourself. If someone is having a hard time believing their worth, and you try to speak of their full worth in Christ, while doubting your own, you are limited in speaking with authority. It becomes empty words.
So, this is where I found myself in Thailand. Limited. Because of my own doubts and questions as to God’s full acceptance of me. In my head, I could walk through what I knew. I had claimed a victory over these doubts. But I was still operating as though I were forsaken.
And that’s when God gave me the picture of the Promised Land.
The Israelites could have marched through the land and won every battle and staked their claim, declaring the victory. But if they never returned to live in the land that they had conquered, then they would have missed the full benefit of God’s promises. He intended not just for them to win the battles, but to then dwell in the land that He had promised Abraham.
We can fight the battles of the mind and heart.
We can denounce the lies we are believing and say we have gained freedom from the bondage they have kept us in.
We can claim victory.
But if we don’t live in the promised truths that God has spoken to us, then we are missing the full benefit of all He intended us to live by.
I remembered back to training camp. God telling me what the father said to the older brother of the prodigal, “Everything I have is yours.” I remember Him saying, “You are not cast off! You are not an orphan, you have been adopted! You are mine and all I have is yours.”
But I wasn't fully living in these truths. So now He continued, “Enter into your full inheritance! You’re living in a house that is your own, but you’re living in the guest house, afraid to unpack, to claim what I have freely given you. It is not presumptuous or prideful to lay claim to what is yours. So learn what I have given you, so that you can walk in confidence, not just in my gifts, but in my complete love and pleasure! Live with me in my presence!”
Having this truth established in my life renewed my joy and confidence in my God. I’m still learning what it means to live in the promised land…but that’s another story for another day, or month.
So…let’s get back to Malaysia, although the months now matter less because I’m just on a continuation of this journey with God. But in Malaysia, I was getting frustrated that the answers to questions I had been asking for months were slow in coming. But it was in the midst of these questions that God opened my eyes to how He loves to teach…and it’s usually through a process, not quick answers. And maybe this is why I feel every lesson so deeply-why it takes so long for me to learn and grow and change. Because, how else am I to remember the process, how else am I to remember the change, unless a struggle is involved?
So, I agree to this journey instead of the shortcut!
Though my flesh is weak and wants the easy shortcut, endurance and strength are not found in that place, but only on the journey. So, that’s where I want to be.
One more lesson I will share…
God cares more about our holiness than our happiness. He’s even willing to put His name on the line, because He’s more concerned about me walking in freedom and purity than for me to “feel” like He is good by answering all of my selfish prayers. If I can trust Him more, though, and follow Him into holiness, to pursue it, then I will be transformed. When God intervenes for the sake of my holiness, I can either turn away to something or someone else, or I can stop and look to Him and what He is doing.
I’ll continue to share more lessons that began in Malaysia later because they continue into future months.
Thanks for reading…but just as I learned that life change comes through the journey, I encourage you to pursue your own journey with God, out of the comfortable and into the places where you can learn perseverance that comes through suffering.
