I never expected to feel such a love for a stranger. But I did. A deep, deep love grew in me the moment I met her.
It was my 2nd night in the bars. I had spent the morning doing a prayer walk up and down bar street. The street that looks so different during the day with most of the bars closed and the sun shining.
I noticed, for the 3rd day in a row, the woman kneeling outside the bar, putting out food and offering incense to a god who did not exist.
And I knew I was supposed to visit this bar that night.
So Jen and I walked into the empty bar that night, ordered our Coke Zero's and tried to talk to the bartender, a middle aged lady wearing the long sleeved black t-shirt with little white bows on it.
It took a few minutes. But as the realization hit that we really were interested in talking with her…she stopped looking down and shared bits of her story with us.
Used to be married. Had 2 young teenage boys. Lives outside the city. Travels back and forth by herself on her scooter. It can be scary, so she wears a jacket and helmut and wraps her hair up in it to disguise herself as a man when she travels home alone. She's scared of swimming. She doesn't go out dancing like the other girls after work. She just wants to go home. She works every night. Doesn't remember the last time she had a night off. She drinks a little whiskey at work…because she is shy and it helps her open up to the customers.
She has a boyfriend. From Texas. He used to work in Thailand, but no longer has a job here, so she doesn't know when she'll get to see him again. She cannot go to the States, so she must wait till he can return.
He's married back in the States. To a wife who has had a stroke and cannot talk.
He sends money to support her, but she doesn't care…she just wants his companionship. She wants to be loved and she wants to care for him. She misses him and she is sad.
As I listen to her talk…I do not judge. My heart just breaks for her. This woman, who drinks to become what her customers want, has just freely shared her life with us. She wants to be known. To be seen. To be loved.
We finish our drinks for the night, and promise to return to visit her again.
Two days later…I return with Allyson to this bar.
As we sit down, I notice that tonight my friend is dressed up in a beautiful black dress and is sitting at the bar with a man, drinking with him.
We're careful to not interrupt, because we've been warned to be respectful of their jobs and to not risk breaking relationships.
But us 2 white girls attract the attention of the man, who slides over a bar stool to talk with us.
He is extremely drunk. He asks us if we're some of the religious freaks that come in and hoot and holler about stuff.
It's a long story about the conversation we begin with him…but that's not the story I'm telling. My wonderful teammate patiently continues to talk to him, as I lean around and smile at my friend that is now sitting alone. I go to say hello, and she apologizes to me and tells me that she is completely drunk. This man has been in the bar all afternoon and has been buying drinks for her. And drinking with the customers is how they earn money.
I return to my seat to see if Allyson needs rescuing, and I'm a little discouraged because I don't know how to have a conversation with my friend who is drunk. I see her walk outside, and I join her again.
She wraps her arms around me and we stand like that, side by side for a moment. Then she motions for us to sit.
And we talk. Like old friends. She tells me how glad she is that she doesn't have to talk to this stupid drunk guy anymore. She has been listening to him yammer on for hours as he gets more and more drunk. And she hates that she has had to sit there and drink with him.
I ask her if she would like a night off. I ask if that is possible. She says yes…and that we wouldn't have to pay for her either. I ask her if she would like to go out with us for a night. She says she would love to. I ask her what she would like to do and she says anything. She doesn't have friends…so she never gets to go out with anyone. I tell her we would love to take her out for a night. So we make plans for Monday at 6 pm.
I walk home, giddy with excitement. I saw such an openness in her and had never experienced such a connection with a stranger before. I could not wait until Monday.
Sunday night, I stop by to make sure she remembers our plans when she is sober. I catch her standing outside the bar. As I walk up, she ignores me and I wonder if she has forgotten who I am. As I greet her, she whispers under her breath. "Tomorrow night, right? Not till tomorrow night." I respond, "Yes, just wanted to make sure you remembered." "Yes, I cannot talk tonight. I have a customer." she says as she nervously glances in the bar.
I tell her I'll see her tomorrow and say goodbye. And my heart breaks as I realize that she has been bought for the night. And I pray for her protection.
The next night, Allyson, Jenn, and I head to the bar to meet her. After waiting for 20 minutes, one of the other girls tells us that she has called and she is still with a customer. She won't be coming tonight.
For the next week, I visit the bar almost everyday. To show her that we were not mad that she missed our date. To tell her that we still wanted to spend time with her.
But I never spoke with her again.
Our last night in Chiang Mai, I visited the bar one last time, hoping to see her. As we said goodbye to the bartender (a 19 year old girl who had been working there for 4 years), I see her. I catch her looking at me out of the corner of my eye. Then I see her hide behind the man she is with, ducking her head below his shoulder till I could no longer see her at all.
I leave, with a heavy heart.
But I am also mobilized to pray. To pray with all my heart that God would call her to himself. I think of her often, along with so many others that we met throughout the month. Amazing, divine encounters. And I know…God has a plan. He is moving, He is active. And we got to be a part of His amazing plan by being obedient to what He asked us to do. I continue to pray for our new friends by name. Confident that God is doing an amazing work…even though I probably will never get to see the fruit. He will bring more people to plant, to water, and hopefully someday…to see the harvest.
