Well, where to start?! I went to training camp for the World Race from Oct 11- Oct 18. I can honestly say that as I sit here in bed with a sinus headache, snotty nose, and yucky cough, I would do it all over again in a second! This was one of the HARDEST weeks of my life but, by far one of the BEST weeks of my life!
I could write about all the crazy meals we had to eat, all the weird scenarios of our bags getting “lost” and having to sleep in crazy places with no sleeping bags, about how we had to do exercises, used porter potties every day for seven days, or how we froze to death in the rain. While those things make for some great stories and definitely were hard to get through, those would only be the minor details of what really happened at training camp.
I can’t even begin to tell you how God moved in my life at Training Camp. This is where things get a little vulnerable. I went into camp with a lot of feelings of inadequacy, not really thinking that I was “spiritual enough” or good enough for something like this. Day one, God really broke those feelings down. I kept hearing over and over again that I needed to trust Him. I needed to give Him the 100% instead of just the 90%. What I mean by that is I think that coming out of a season of true brokenness and feeling more alone that I have ever felt, I was trying to hold on to control. I wanted to fix everything, I wanted to get my life together, I, I, I. Well, you see, that’s where I was all wrong. Of course God gives us freedom to make our own decisions and do things for ourselves, but at the end of the day, I wasn’t really surrendering to Him. I hadn’t really given my brokenness over to Him. I hadn’t laid my fears, doubts, and insecurities at His feet. Day one and two of Training camp really changed that. For the first time in a long time, I was totally surrendered to the Lord. I gave Him my 100%. It was no longer about me trying to be “perfect Jess” or looking like I had it all together. Now, it was time for me to admit that I can’t do it on my own. It felt so good to finally let go of those things and truly walk in the freedom that the Lord has for me.
In moving forward in camp, the song “You Make Me Brave,” by Bethel really hit home. This was a song that I had been listening to a lot in the month leading up to camp, but it really hit me even harder at camp. It talks about God making us brave, about stepping out of our comfort zone to what God has for us. So many times we just get comfortable in the way we are living, and we don’t want to take chances or make leaps of faith. I believe that God has something so special planned for me in the Race, it’s just a matter of trusting Him. This doesn’t mean that things will always be comfortable or that it will go smoothly. In fact, in can mean quite the opposite. Things will probably get messy and hard. But trusting God that it is going to make me stronger and have more faith is worth the mess.
Another thing that God blessed me with at camp was my amazing team! Well, first let me say that the 49 people on my squad and my 3 squad leaders are amazing! They were basically strangers to me on October 11th, and by October 18th they were like a huge family to me. But then, there is my team. These are the five other people that I will eat, sleep, live, cry, laugh, and serve with. There were many phases of picking the team we would be on. The trainers watched all 49 of us as we worked together in different teams to see how we did with one another. In the end, I was put on an all girls team with some of the best ladies I have ever met! God so specifically put us all together and I couldn’t have asked for a better team!
After putting us in our teams, the team leaders that were chosen were announced to the team to see if they also agreed that it would be a good fit. To my surprise, my name was announced. Now, I mention this to be able to tell you how God got me to this point. As I said before, I had a lot of insecurities coming into camp. One of those was that there was no way that I would be picked for something like that. It just isn’t something that I would be good enough for (emphasis on “I”). Then day one and two of camp happened, God rocked my world, and I began to realize that I can’t do these things in my own strength. As some of the leaders asked if I thought I could lead a group, my reaction was that I used to think that I could never do something like that, but now I know that it wouldn’t be me leading, rather it would be me surrendered to God and Him leading through me. I want to be a servant leader. I want to serve these girls in whatever way they need. But most of all, I want God to use me in whatever way He sees fit. His way is far better than mine could ever be.
So, here begins a brand new adventure; one that I couldn’t even have dreamt up. I know that God has big plans in store and that He is going to do far more than I could have ever imagined!
