If I was to sum up January 2013 in one word, it would simply be "loss." Perhaps loss isn't the perfect word to use when referring to intentionally leaving things behind in hopes of something greater, but, for me, there was certainly some grief involved. I voluntarily walked away from my family, my friends, my home, and my country in anticipation of experiencing and learning new and profound things this year. I wasn't expecting it to be easy, but I also wasn't prepared for how heavy it would feel to abandon all I knew for something totally unknown.
My arrival in Dondo, Mozambique after several brutal days of travel would have been exciting if I hadn't been too exhausted to be excited about anything besides sleep. An air mattress on a cement floor in a hot and stuffy room was where I laid my head each night. Dozens of mosquitoes flew around me and the only thing that drown out the sound of their blood thirsty buzz was a weak floor fan on the nights I was lucky enough to get one. The first time I took a "shower" in this new environment was a rude awakening. It's a process that begins with hauling a bucket of water to a dirty shower stall. I have yet to feel 100% clean after one of these bucket showers, which serves to remind me of my loss of comfort.
These physical conditions are less than ideal, but this is to be expected in one of the world's poorest nations.
And little of this mattered to me once I arrived at Kedesh, a boys' home near Beira run by John Wickes and Heather Pritchard. Named for a biblical city of refuge, Kedesh truly is a sanctuary and serves to provide a stable home for young men who may have suffered the loss of their parents or a variety of other circumstances. This is not your stereotypical African orphanage. The boys who live here are well fed, well mannered, and well rounded. They take pride in their work and they have a hand in just about everything that goes on within the property. From construction to tending to animals to welding to cooking, these guys do it all! Once the work is complete, there's no shortage of fun. The 15 acre property boasts climbing trees, a swimming hole, volleyball court, a modest disc golf course, and plenty of space to run and play. It's nothing short of a boy's paradise.
My team was assigned to Kedesh to work on any projects with which they needed assistance and to forge relationships with the boys. We loved our assignment and quickly became the envy of our large squad once the other teams realized how relaxed and fun our ministry site was.
On Tuesday, January 22, I was spending another day at Kedesh when I received the news via email that my grandfather had passed away days before. Shocked, I burst into tears and ran to hide behind a large tree to deal with this loss on my own. My loud sobs must have blown my cover and soon a teammate appeared asking me what was making me cry. I shared with her my loss and that must have been the first time I realized that not only was I to figure out how to grieve apart from my family, but also amongst strangers.
No one else with me here on this trip knows what kind of a man my Grandpa LeRoy was. They have to take my word for it when I tell them he was a go-getter with a wit and a laugh all his own. He loved travel and adventure and stepped foot on African soil long before it was something I'd even consider. This is a man with whom I climbed the Great Wall of China!
I have undoubtedly felt encouraged and supported by those around me. The six other people on my team have been nothing but gracious toward me. Nonetheless, I've often wished there was someone beside me who knows firsthand the generosity and influence of this great man from southeastern Iowa.
My family suffered a huge loss last month. I am finding comfort where I can. It's nice to know that back in July when I felt the tug on my heart to pursue this world tour, God already knew that Grandpa would pass away in January. His death at that time doesn't mean I'm in the wrong place doing the wrong thing. It means I have the opportunity to learn how to become vulnerable with my team, my "future friends" as I like to call them.
Loss is a fairly new theme for me. I haven't been in a situation before where I had to go without. Until now, I had never lost a family member with whom I was close. Whether a serious loss like death or a simple loss of convenience and comfort, losses of all kinds are difficult. I'm choosing to face the losses of January and allow the people who are currently in my life to help me through them. I admit that it seems like it would be easier to hide behind a tree and wipe my tears away by myself, but I want to learn and grow with my teammates even though we don't yet know each other well.
I pray God will honor my steps toward being vulnerable here with these people and that I will honor Him even in my grief.
