When I was in high school, I heard from many of my Christian peers that they believed they were "called' to preach or, another popular one, "called" to be a youth pastor. These claims incited jealousy and sometimes hopelessness in me. Why hadn't God spoken so clearly to me about my future? How come these kids knew what God's perfect will was for their lives and I didn't? What was my calling?
I prayed desperately for God to speak to me and tell me what He wanted me to do with my life. I begged and pleaded with Him to reveal His specific plan. I so badly wanted to be "called." Many tears were shed. Why wasn't God answering me?! Perhaps I wanted the skies to open, angels to sing, birds to chirp and the Holy Ghost to land on my shoulder as a peaceful dove. I needed a sign. (Teenage girls are so dramatic, aren't they?)
After years of unanswered prayers for direction, I found myself at World Harvest Bible College. It was there that one of the wisest men I've ever met, Bill Canfield, said something that finally freed me from the prison of self-doubt and fear I'd created for myself with all this negative thinking about not having a "calling." He said, "If you're not in rebellion, you're in the will of God." With that one simple statement I had an understanding for the first time that I was potentially walking out God's will for my life every single day. That cloud of worry about the future because I didn't know my specific "calling" was lifted. I was doing God's will when I loved my neighbor. I was doing God's will when I prayed for my enemies. I was doing God's will when I rejected sin and temptation. I was called to delight in the Lord each day.
It's been over a decade since Mr. Canfield's words brought me clarity and changed the way I prayed for my future. And it was about that same time that I began to sense a deep drive inside of me to go and make disciples of all nations. I thought of it as a wish or a dream, but it didn't dawn on me until recently that that longing was quite possibly the calling I had prayed for so fervently.
I'm so grateful to God for allowing me to learn and grow at my own pace. Some could say that I'm about 10 years late to the mission field, but I believe that I am better equipped now than I ever could have hoped to be back then. So, here I go! January 2013 is when I'll leave U.S. soil and begin my first missionary journey. I know now what it feels like to be stepping into your destiny.
Oh, and all those kids I knew who were "called" by God? It's safe to say the majority are working boring desk jobs.
