Boldness is something I prayed for before coming on the race.
Boldness is something I ask for when people ask me what they can pray about for me.
Boldness is not something I have always felt comfortable walking in.
Boldness is something God is teaching me.
My team and I decided one of the first things we should do as a new team last month was take the spiritual gifts test and talk about them as a team, so we could call each other up into those strengths. My top 4 results were as followed:
Missionary with a score of 18.
Shepherd with a score of 17.
Service with a score of 16.
Giving with a score of 16.
This was and is the beginning of what God was about to do in
my life in the next month and the rest of this journey.
Kaula Lumpur, Malaysia, my squad and I were sitting on a rooftop worshiping Him one night. I went off alone in a corner with my bible and began to pray and just ask God to speak to me. I was craving a word from Him and I was needing Him right then. During my time in Malaysia I was really struggling with my words and the way I presented them. I felt like everything I have said on this race has come across harsh and not loving. I had spent my time in Malaysia praying for God to change the way I speak into people and situations. To change me so that through my words and spiritual gifts I could reflect Him in every way. So, as I sat on the rooftop begging Him to change me and speak to me what He needed to say, I sat and heard nothing. I kept opening my bible and nothing was speaking to me. I was becoming desperate to hear Him.
Hello God, its me! Please say something. Give me a verse. Anything!
Just then as I opened my eyes, my new squad leader, Sam was walking towards me. She calls me Little Bea and always makes me smile, and makes me so happy when she is around. At that particular moment though, I was craving a moment alone with God and didn’t really want to talk. She sat down in a chair in front of me and said, “I have a word from God for you.”
My heart jumped into my throat. He heard me! He was just answering in the way He wants to! She began to tell me what He had said to her. I had to write it down because I knew it was exactly what He wanted me to hear.
“Little Bea stands for little one be bold. Your words are not harsh, they are bold. They are preparing you for a ministry you aren’t quite ready for yet.”
She got up and walked back over to the group, who were singing and in total worship with God. I closed my bible, closed my eyes, and then smiled. How great is His love for me all the time. I was sitting there asking Him why He ignores me, He was smiling down saying, Little one, you have no idea what I am doing.
That word He sent to me on the rooftop was exactly the words He would use everyday this month in Vietnam to change me to be more like Him. They have given me exactly what I need to feel His closeness in everything I do, not just for the race but for life.
Before the race I prayed for guidance of what He wants me to do for Him in my life. I prayed for boldness to speak up for Him even when it is hard. I prayed to feel His closeness everyday.
He answers.
This week my team and I decided to retake the spiritual gifts test, I smiled as I looked over my new results. God you are so good.
My new results are as followed:
Shepherd with a score of 20.
Missionary with a score of 19.
Giving with a score of 17.
Voluntary poverty with a score of 17.
Service is still in my top five with a score of 16 points and voluntary poverty moved from my bottom results to the top 4.
I am aware of the strengths He has gifted to me. I am proud to serve Him through those gifts and I am walking boldly in them. Each of my scores jumped higher the second time I took this test, I am choosing to be bold and use my every action and look at my every word as an act of bringing Him glory.
in whom we have boldness and access with confidence
through our faith in him.
Ephesians 3:12 ESV
