In case you haven’t heard, here it is…
It is with great peace that I share with you that I will not be going on the World Race in January. After much prayer and listening to the Lord as he ran with me until He said to stop while at Training Camp. My calling is first to listen to Jesus and do what He says — so while I am saddened not to be traveling and serving the next 11 moths; my heart is at peace knowing I’m walking in obedience first and foremost.
I am thankful to be surround by such great friends who have invested in my life through this journey and beyond. I want you to know I feel your love and prayers and I appreciate every kindness.
Since sharing that I’m not going on the Race with friends and family I keep getting this question: “So what REALLY happened?” I know this question is asked in love, however the answer — is exactly what you’ve already heard. There was no fanfare and the Lord did not rain down fire or flood. It was simple. It was faithful.
It’s quite simple, when the Lord led me to the start of this journey He clearly just asked me to follow His lead. To walk until he said to stop as Hebrews 12 puts it. Each day after I applied for the Race, I have woken up, Jesus has taken me by the hand, and has walked with me to take a step in the direction of the World Race. At training camp in October, I woke up each day feeling as if I was searching for Jesus’ hand to hold on to, He quietly whispered throughout my last days at camp that He was saying stop. There were no fireworks or extreme moments, just the Lord loving me and leading me to obedience by His voice and His hand. As soon as I rested with the decision to not continue in the World Race and to leave camp, God’s gentle hand took mine again and led me, just as each day previous. Each morning I continue to wake up, take the hand of the Lord, and walk through that day — not knowing why, what is on the horizon, or any details — I’m simply trying to follow His lead and walk in obedience.
So what really happened? I took a really long walk with Jesus through this thing called the World Race. I grew exponentially in His grace and found new passions.
The question I really wish people were asking, and truly meaning, is “how are you doing with all this?”
Because the answer is not nearly as pretty as the previous question. In fact, the the complete opposite. This has been one of the most difficult decisions of my life. My heart is broken for the people I will never get to serve, it’s weighted to steward the investment people have made in me, it’s longing for the security of knowing exactly what’s next, it’s desperate to talk with the family I found at Training Camp in my squad, it’s lonely from being surround by those I love that don’t understand what I can’t articulate, and most of all, it’s hurting from hiding like this journey is easy — that walking away from this short lived dream was so simple. Yes, I made a choice to be obedient the Lord, but Jesus never promised that pain/questions would not accompany peace, growth, and calling, and man is this one a doozy.
I’m not venting friends. I simply want to be transparent as I have tried to be this entire journey. That following Jesus is worth every second, but it can be quite raw sometimes. And for me, this is one of those soul wrenching, raw moments.
Most days, I want to run. I want to crawl under a rock that erases everything I feel and all the question and just hide, clenching the hand of Jesus, and just holding on until He makes the flowers bloom around the rock I want to hide under and I can come out again with the world all healed and my heart healed too. But I can not.
Other days, honestly, I just want to let go of His hand — I just want to be away from the challenge and heartache that is this season and be angry that obedience has “landed me here” and go my own way. But I will not.
Many days, I chose instead to try and enjoy the quietness and rest that I’ve been given in what I’m promised is a temporary season. While the tears may flow, I must chose to believe The Best is Yet to Come. Not because it’s a flashy saying or because I’m sad or because it reminds me I’m still allowed to dream — but because the reality of The Best is Yet to Come, is that it’s true. The Lord promises a Genesis 50:20 life, he has proven His faithfulness in my life over and over again in the big and small stuff, He has brought me through challenges before this one and blessed my soul with greater joy than before, and because I know that my best is not God’s best, because The Best Is Yet To Come is a statement of hope, and a beacon that my joy is not complete until I’m brought home, and that momentary sorrow is ok to feel but not to dwell in.
My life may look like skin and bones to most, and that’s because in our worldly perspectives it pretty much is skin and bones. But under these skin and bones of my cracked life, I have a soul that’s about to burst and I know the Lord is working something great, if I’ll be patient and diligent enough to let Him work in me. So while I may not be going on the World Race, I have a feeling I wasn’t preparing for this journey for “nothing.” This was never a blind leap but rather apart of this wonder-filled journey of growing faith. The Best Is Yet To Come, friends, and I can’t wait to see what’s coming.
