I was introduced to International House Of Prayer yesterday…what an awesome place!! For those of you who haven't heard of IHOP, its a place of prayer that is open 24/7 365. They have worship and you can just come and go as you want and pray. Its awesome just sitting, soaking up the presence of God. If you have one near you, I highly suggest going! 🙂
I've really been struggling with am I "spiritual" enough to go on the race? Am I good enough of a Christian? I just got right with God only a few short months ago…am I really ready for this? Well I had a conversation with someone who had no idea that I was struggling with this issue. Turns out they are wondering the same thing. Worried that I might be so excited but it will fizzle out like a seed that fell along the rocks, blooming fast but dying quickly because there is no roots. I know their intentions were not to discourage me by any means. I may have even interpreted it incorrectly, but after that conversation I became even more discouraged and questioned myself and whether I was "worthy" of going or not.
Well today I left work at IHOP (pancakes!) to go pray at IHOP (Prayer!) I sat there and started to pray…then came the tears. I just wept and wept, crying out to God telling him I can't do this, telling him I'm not worthy, not ready. Asking him why he asked me to do this. For like a solid 30 minutes I just cried to him. Well, He spoke…I grabbed my pen and paper and just starting writing. This is what he told me…..
I'm not asking you to GO to 11 countries, I'm asking you to COME with me. I have called you. I want you. Be my hands and feet. I chose you. I took you even at your worse, in the muck of life you were stuck in. You reached to my hand that has been stretched out, just waiting for you to grab. You finally reached, I grabbed ahold and pulled you out. I pulled you into my arms. I will heal you, I will comfort you, I will make you strong. I forgive you. I love you. I want to use you. Come AS YOU ARE. Leave your past behind. I have closed those doors, walk away. Leave your past. Don't knock on the doors you came from, begging to return, but instead press through, walk through the doors that are wide open. I open the door, its up to you to walk through. Come with me on this race, be my hands, by my feet. Come with me. Come as you are. I love you
After writing that I started listening to worship and the words were "Jesus I am yours and you are mine. Jesus I have come"
I may not understand why God called ME but he did. All I can do is be obedient and follow him. So I will come with him on this race, I'll be his hands and feet. He will use me. Even if I don't see it now or understand I put all my trust in him.
Yet again today God showed me his awesomeness. He never ceases to amaze me 🙂
