The sunlight and the birds woke me up. Our tent glowed orange as the sound of what I can only presume was thousands of birds attending an annoying bird convention flowed down from the tree tops. I checked my watch, 5:30am. There would be no 6:30am devotions with our host family today, as we were no longer in Uganda. We had said our goodbyes a few days before as we left our first month of ministry and have headed to the in-between that we call “Debrief”.
Our tent is set up in the grassy backyard of a hostel just yards from Lake Kivu. We are now in Rwanda, but not yet at our new ministry. It has been a good time to relax, connect with our squad, and process individually and with our team.
James and I both want to recap at the end of each month and especially focus on how the World Race looks from the eyes a married couple. We want to be honest and raw. The majority of the Racers are single, and while we were preparing for the Race it was hard to see how it might look for us as a married couple.
My hope is that married couples who are looking to apply or have been accepted to the World Race can find a little bit of insight into what life on the field may look like for them. (Huge emphasis on may.)
Do not count on always getting your own room. This month we giant-slumber-partied-it. At our host there was a full sized bed that James and I got to claim, but forget about whispering sweet nothings to each other as you fall asleep. Your entire team would become included if you tried. When we went with our team to Jinja to raft the Nile our room only had twin beds. We ended up sharing one. Can you say cuddles?!?!
Do not count on all of your alone time being sweet romantic getaways. We get to take a half day off of ministry every week. This is time for us to be alone, get away, and get into deep discussions. I thought that they would just be adorable dates every time. However, when you do not have time to be cute together (because your team is always there) you also never have time to fight together (because again your team is always there). One of our half days we spent having a very much needed marital spat. But hey, you need that too. It was good for us to take that time to hash it out without our team popping some popcorn so they could enjoy the fight.
Do count on watching your spouse grow. I had so much wifey pride for James as I watched him step into his element during the construction of the church. He stepped up and stepped in even though the language barrier added some difficulty. I watched him become passionate about restringing the church’s guitar and about playing his guitar in church as well. He even started stepping up more as a leader as he heard people from leadership, our squad, and our team tell him that they value his voice, his opinion, and his leadership.
Do count on struggling with balancing friendships and your marriage. It does not mean that it is impossible, or an excuse for me not to get to know others, but it does mean that I always have a go-to person to sit with on the bus and a shoulder to nap on. It means that I probably will not sit with as many other people during our long travel days. It means taht some days I take time away from our team and our squad to be with James and when we come back something funny happened, an inside joke was formed, or I feel that I missed out on something (I have a huge case of FOMO – that is the Fear Of Missing Out). But even though I may miss out on some things, I always get to experience my own adventure that others will not get to experience.
Do count on some people being super supportive of your marriage and others being, meh. No one is against our marriage, but even as early as training camp we had people tell us that they really wanted to be on a married couples team and we had others saying “No offense, I love you as an individual, but it would be hard for me to be on a team with a married couple.” I understand. Those who are single have to stay single. Some left serious relationships at home to come and be in the worst long distance relationship ever.
So while some wrestle with the fact that we get some days away, we have also had a team who came around us and made sure we are taking our marriage days. They have already even made plans for month 3! We know that in Kenya we have our own apartment and they said that there plan is every so often to make supper for me and James and then leave us to enjoy it together. What love!
There is so much more that we have experience, and every married couple will experience different challenges and successes. If you are married and are considering the World Race I hope that you found some encouragement and some encouragement and some warning in this blog. If you are married and are preparing for your Race I hope that you have a wonderful time! Please feel free to contact us and we will reply with answers to your questions when we can!
Thanks for reading. Thanks for supporting. Thanks for praying. Team Fraser, over and out.
Another downside for the married couples, we get to fundraise twice as much!! Our next financial deadline is coming up quicker and quicker. By the end of October we need to have $26,000 in our account to stay out on the field. If we do not have this amount we may end up having to cut this adventure short. We need to have just a little under $3,000 more. Please prayerfully consider on how you can support. Every little bit helps. You can click the “Support Me” tab on our blog to donate online or to learn more.
Thank you!
