I just want to say that I have been blessed with a community that allows God to use them and give them boldness to speak out what God has revealed to them. Okay… So here goes.
I came back from training camp pumped. I was on a high, a high I have never felt before. But, that just lasted for a few days. Every now and then I would get excited but, that didn’t last. About a week ago I had expressed my concern about fundraising to my team and how it was taking a toll. My team leader (which I am so blessed to be led by him) challenged me “Take some time off. Forget the deadline, forget the amount. Realign your focus back to God and I know God will come through” I had decided on how many days I would take a break. But very quickly if not immediately the devil continued to toy with me. Doubts became more real and for the first time since I said yes, my yes was becoming ” I don’t know, Should I?, maybe my family is right and I am being too selfish by leaving, or am I making the right decision?, am I really worth all that money?”
Even after all that God showed me and instilled in my heart during training camp I became lazy in guarding my heart and quickly let discouragement from loved ones take over. I was desperate and felt alone. Mainly because I would see the encouragement my squad has from their parents and friends and I would look around and all I see is emptiness. I was beginning to believe that I wasn’t gonna make it and this past week it was a battle that felt like it would make or break my life. This battle was spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
Everyday for the past week I prayed the same prayer “God, give me a sign. Show me what I need to do. TALK TO ME because I am feeling like you’re just letting me go on and on and I CAN’T HEAR YOU! ARE YOU EVEN THERE! TALK TO ME LORD! TELL ME because right now I am feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders again and I CAN’T DO THIS!” I cried to many times in secret the past week and I have gotten angry that past week. Last night as I laid in bed I was talking to God and said “Lord, tonight I place it at your feet. I can’t do this. I place my burdens and I place my doubts, and disbelief all at your feet. I don’t want to hold this anymore. I am done… Give me peace and strength to do your will. Just give me peace” At the same time I was listening to Pursuit by Daniel Bashta. The lyrics resounded in my heart and I was completely undone and completely at peace not even knowing what God was about to do and I prayed the song over and over again.
“Strip everything away till all I have is You
Undo the veils till all I see is You.
Strip everything away till all I have is You
Undo the veils till all I see is You.
I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence
I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence .
I’m pressing in to You so do not pass me by
I’m breaking through the boundaries
I will not be denied.
I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence
I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence.
Open my eyes, search me inside,
I cant live without Your presence,
I can’t live without Your presence”
Today, I was searching something online and my phone vibrated and I look over not realizing that the message I had received in our Squad’s group messaging was seriously about to rock my world. This message was from my giraffe (Training Camp, it’s a long story) and it read the following.
“I was outside under a tarp, I think possibly still at training camp. Suddenly, there was a great wind, and little white flowers started falling from the trees. The wind grew stronger and stronger, and flowers spun through the air like a blizzard, making it hard to see what was going on. I climbed up a hill and through the flower blizzard saw World Racers parachuting down from the sky. I asked someone what was going on, and the person next to me said that the Racers who were parachuting down were the ones who have had doubts about the World Race, but have chosen to still do it, and they were asked to take a leap of faith and parachute from the sky”
I was one of the world racers. To me this completely had me undone. All my prayers and all my crying out to God were answered. The blizzard was my doubt that was robbing my sight. I was that world racer that had doubts and still chose to go and I was that racer parachuting and asked to take a leap of faith. God answered my prayers. I ugly cried as soon as I read and I still do every single time I read this. God is such a faithful God and I am so overwhelmed with His goodness. I am going on the race and there is no doubt about it now. Also this was shared by a team mate.
“But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God.” Acts 5:39
To this race He has called me. To His will I submit and to Him I surrender. God is faithful and I will say it again. SO, doubts are gone and my heart is at peace. I have $5,975 to raise in 1 month and 5 days. I am asking you to take a leap of faith with me and join me in this journey God has called me, to spread the gospel to the nations. December 18th is around the corner and I believe wholeheartedly that HE WILL PROVIDE. So will you take that leap of faith with me? If so, click support me and donate. I am also asking for your prayers. The enemy is relentless and will fight tooth and nail to destroy the calling God has placed in our lives.
