Today was emotionally unstable. The sense of unworthiness creeped back into my life in the split second I let my guard down. The feeling that was becoming foreign to me became the most real it had ever been. My flesh cave in and I was completely broken. It doesn’t surprise how quickly you can be in a valley feeling helpless, lonely, and desperate. So instead of keeping it all in I came into my room to pray but, I was so broken I couldn’t let the words out without tasting my tears as I did. So, I just let it out I cried and cried without ceasing it seemed. I played worship music to drown out the lies the devil kept trying to feed me but, at the same time it was a reminder of the great God I serve.
I was on my face, sobbing the whole time, worship, and prayed. I was texting a teammate and I was telling her how I just want to give up and how I just really wanted someone to hold me while I cried uncontrollably in their arms not realizing God was already doing that. In an instant after saying that I could feel his arms just cradle me. This is who my Daddy is. He is there in my time of need, He calms the raging storms inside of me, He restores my hope, and He loves me unconditionally. He speaks truth into me and he reminds me of my worth. This is the God that we as world racers want to show the world. The God who loves them despite their flaws, the God who will use them despite their sin, the God who loves so unconditionally!
I wanted to share something with you all today. Something I wrote right after God met me on the floor of my room.
When the waves rise and my heart is troubled, my tears stream down like a river into the sea and my spirit burdened be. You’d move heaven and earth just to be with me. And when I finally come, you cradle me to peace. In your arms I found refuge and peace. From them I will always cling. You breathe life into me; you cover me with your tender love. In your presence is where I’d rather be.
Today, I leave it all to God, I chose God over my flesh, He gave me peace, and above all I was broken once again so he could shine brightly.
