These past couple of weeks have been some of the most difficult I have thus far encountered on this trip. Though Phuket is filled with natural beauty, and though there are many fun things to see and do, none of that matters much, because I find myself overwhelmed by the spiritual darkness of this place.
For three weeks now, I have been unable to hear the voice of God. I do not feel His Presence here at all. Katherine observed that it seems like we checked the Holy Spirit at customs. Old sins and struggles and temptations have resurfaced here, warring against my soul in a constant and on-going battle. Hope is hard to find and even harder to hold onto.
Katherine and I have also struggled as a couple. For some reason, we have incredible difficulty communicating here (we believe it’s spiritual in nature). This interference recently led to the biggest fight we’ve had in many months. We’re okay now, but we are both very much looking forward to the day we leave this dark and disheartening place.
I don’t like being the one to rain on the parade of sunshine and smiles that usually fills the pages of everyone else’s blogs. But those who follow the World Race — especially those of you who are considering applying for next year — need to know the truth. This trip is hard. It’s hard on emotions, hard on relationships, and hard on your spiritual life.
Of course, the fact that it’s hard is part of what makes it great.
But nevertheless, in these dark days, I am learning to cry out along with the Psalmist…
“
Will Your wonders be made known in the darkness? And Your righteousness in the land of forgetfulness? But I, O LORD, have cried out to You for help, And in the morning my prayer comes before You.
O LORD, why do You reject my soul? Why do You hide Your face from me?
–Psalm 88:12-14
