A simple variation on something I heard or read elsewhere (about seeking the Giver not the gifts), but one that needs to be applied in so many ways and one I'm learning about right now.
I've had a lot to think about over the past 24 hours. Many of our squad were asked to pray and consider whether it would be right for us to switch to the second route that is taking place in September (visiting Ukraine, Romania, Nepal, India, Tanzania, Uganda, Rwanda, Thailand, Cambodia, another country in Asia, and Malaysia). And this has been a heart wrenching thing.
For one thing, this route is amazing too and contains a number of countries I would be keen to visit (I would love to go to the Ukraine again, I missed out on a trip to Tanzania once and have thought about it ever since, I sponsor two kids in Uganda I'd love to meet, I have been reading about the needs in India recently, and I have friends from Romania and Malaysia who tell me I should really go there). This route focuses mainly on Asia with a little of Eastern Europe and some of Africa. But, the route I signed up to sees a wider variety of the world (it includes central america, covering one more continent) and one of my goals for the year, one of the points on which I signed up, was to see as much of the world as I could, to get a wider picture of life on earth and so I feel I should prioritise this.
For another thing, many of the friends I have made on the squad have just switched and a large part of me wants to be with them. But many haven't switched, and whichever route I take I am losing out on friends made.
Either way, I don't feel that either of these are adequate decision makers – prioritising a route for reasons that God might not be prioritising (I gotta be open to changing my priorities if I feel Him say so), or following friends simply because I like them (which I know feels like a major draw). At writing I'm inclined to stay where I am but I can't necessarily work out what the definite answer is.
And basically what I've come to right now is this – I don't need the answer, I don't need certainty, I don't need to know anything really. I just need HIM. I need God, more than I think I need to figure out what to do, more than I need to even get anything sorted for next year, more than I need anything else you can think of (food, air, strength, blood, energy, dreams, knowledge, resources, [insert the things you think you need right now here]). I need God. That's all. He is enough.
So please pray for me, because I feel I am missing out either way, and whilst I think either route would be right and God would use it next year, I want to be going in to this for the right reasons.
In the meantime I will continue to pray and fast, and do my best to just seek my Father, regardless of answers. He is enough.
