Days like today…
I had expectations that RaceLife would be much different than HomeLife. That I would always be aware of how amazing this experience is. That everyday would be an adventure!! That now, I would finally be able to assert self control over myself. I would be consistent =) RaceLife is just HomeLife in a different country…..I have NOT grown to love mornings or alarms, and still sleep in until that very last second. When faced with the choice bible study or chick flick I still opt for chick flick! I get frustrated with my teammates, I have lazy days, and I have whiney days, and grumpy days, and blehhh days.
But then….
Then I have days like today =) I have days where Jesus reminds me how blessed I am to be able to life with Him!! That no matter how overwhelmed I am or mad or sad I get, I have Him. I always have hope and I can always turn back to Him. I am never to much for Him to handle. He never denies me forgiveness. I will never push Him so far that He will stop pursuing. He always waits for me. Those who don’t know Jesus don’t have that. They don’t have the Hope that I have everyday! Even if I choose not to draw from its supply, I still have the option. In essence I always have Hope.
Estonia has one of the world’s highest rates of people claiming to be Atheists. They literally just don’t have religion here. No beliefs at all. Its more common to believe nothing than to believe something. I am surrounded by people who don’t have hope. That is why I believe in addition to being one of the World’s leading Atheist countries, they are also one the world’s leading countries in depression and suicide. They don’t have a never ending well to draw from. I have struggled with depression for most of my adult life. Its HARD! I know what runs through my head when depression sinks its teeth in me. Some days I choose not to draw from the well of Hope, but at least I know its there. Estonians don’t have a well of hope. They don’t have the assurance that their creator works everything out for the good of those who love Him. I have days like today where I am swimming in the Hope that I have been given =) RaceLife looks a lot like HomeLife. Except on the Race things are magnified. Depression may be magnified but Hope is too! Days like today I feel it all – overwhelming sadness for the Estonians who just don’t know that Jesus is love and is for them, a God who will love them back from the edge of hopelessness, and also a surge of Joy that wells up from the pit of my soul knowing that there is nothing I can do that the Lord won’t work out for me.
Its days like today when I realize what I have and I smile. Its day like today that nothing can steal my joy, because regardless of cities or villages or rules or teammates, I have HOPE. I ALWAYS HAVE HOPE.
