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WARNING: 

     Before you go any further, this blog is pretty raw and might not be appropriate for younger folks. I’m just telling you like it is and being transparent with something’s Jesus has walked me through over the past few years. Some of it gets pretty close to “the line.”
 
     One of my biggest struggles over the past several years has been insecurity. I know several blogs ago, I hinted on something’s that I’d dealt with and that the Lord has been walking me through, but I want to take a few minutes to go a little deeper on a couple issues.
 
     Insecurity isn’t something that just happens for no reason. No, God didn’t create us to be insecure people, but rather to know who we are, and more importantly, WHO'S WE ARE! So why in the world did insecurity become such a struggle for me? I believe that the Lord, over the past little while, has revealed that answer to me and it might be the very answer that many of YOU are looking for…

 
     Growing up, as most of you know, pornography wasn’t something that in our day and age was hard to get a hold of. Now more than ever, it’s right at our fingertips. With technology where it is today, you can basically access that crap (yes, I said crap, because that’s what porn is, and that’s putting it nicely) from anywhere, anytime.
 
     From a young age I remembered being exposed to that stuff. The first time I seen it was in the 3rd or 4th grade. Something a child that age should not be introduced to.
 
     My involvement with the stuff really took off when I was in middle school, because somebody very important in my life looked at it. So naturally, when you’re that age, you tend to do what you see other people doing. Right? Before I knew it, I was trying every way in the world to get ahold of it.
 
     This, sadly, continued up until early this year. Yep, that’s right… Just because you’re a missionary, doesn’t mean that you’re exempt and guarded from that stuff. No, actually, in countries where sex trafficking and things of that nature are such a problem, on the World Race, lust, pornography, and sexual sin in general, became a huge spiritual battle we all had to guard against. 

     
     SIDE NOTE: Maybe this is why the percent of people addicted to porn in the USA, is so high. Did you know that ATLANTA, GEORGIA is one of the top sex trafficing hubs, WORLD WIDE?! Yep, right in our back yard. Sobering, huh? It's a spiritual and physical battle we're fighting.  
 
So, what happened throughout all those years of looking at that stuff?

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
 
     You see, pornography isn’t a real scenario! For whatever reason, when I looked at that stuff or watch it, I began to compare myself (NO, I’m not just talking about the obvious either) to those folks. I developed UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS!
 
     The more I became involved in that stuff, the more my identity began to be formed by those things. I was left feeling like I wasn’t “man enough”, and that I couldn’t ever live up to those men, and I mean in all aspects. Looks, muscles, masculinity, charisma, you get the point and can add your own things in here… It made me feel like a child. 
 
 
     I began to feel like, unless I was like those guys, I would never amount to a hill of beans. I would never be good enough (sexually or just in general), and that I was less desirable then they were. It distorted my thinking. 
 
     I felt like I had to become like “those guys” to be any count at all. So then what happens? You look for ways to become more like “those guys”…
 
TO BE CONTINUED…