“Growing up”… It's no fun sometimes, if I am just being honest, but its a necessary part of every persons life.
As I sit here in Romania, its 3am and I can’t sleep. I got off the internet not too long ago and I had the opportunity to speak to my family. It’s something that I love so much and look forward too each time I have good internet to call home. I knew something wasn’t right though as I got ready to hang up with Mama on Skype. I asked her how everybody was doing and she filled me in on all the in’s and out’s of home… She gave me some rather sad news though, and told me that my Uncle Hank’s heart is hardly working anymore. He is on up in years now and right before leaving for the World Race I went to visit him in the hospital. He wasn’t doing good when I seen him, but praise God, he got to be released that day. I helped him and my Aunt out to their vehicle and prayed a prayer over him, kissed them both, and told them I loved them. It was hard leaving them because I was actually in the room when the doctor came in to discharge him and gave him his instructions and the news. She told him that his kidneys were failing and he begged her and asked, “there has to be something more we can do.” The doctor just told him though that the best thing to do was to thank God for what he has been blessed with and to live his life to the fullest and enjoy the time left. It was a very real moment for me looking back now. My Uncle Hank got up and immediately threw his arms around the doctors neck, began to weep, and told her he loved her. It broke my heart. I think back now, and realize that was just 6 months ago. Yesterday we reached the half way point of our World Race journey and its crazy to think how fast its going by… It’s crazy to think about how fast life goes by period… The older I get, the more I realize it. I pray that I get to see Uncle Hank again when I get home after the race, but I know that whatever happens, I will see him again in our heavenly home. Please if you would, say a prayer for his health though and for my Aunt. I love them both so very much and they would appreciate it.
Below: This is some of my Family in the picture. My Uncle Hank is in the cowboy hat sitting between my Nanny (in pink) and my Aunt.
Mama and I finally finished up talking and right before we hung up, I also asked her how all our animals were, and she very carefully tried to avoid the question. I know Mama, and knew that something was going on. I didn’t push it though. Let me say, I LOVE my animals. They are part of the family. So, with that, I told Mama I loved her and we hung up…
A little while later I am on Facebook and get a message from Mama… I began to read it and Mama began to talk about how hard it was to hang up earlier today… She said that she was sorry, but one night they heard something in the neighborhood and heard Bentley, my cat. They went outside to see what happened, but they could not find him. Days past and he never returned, nor did the neighbors cat. Soon after, they seen coyotes in the area and they finally realized that’s what happened to him… Mama begged for my forgiveness in the message and apologized for not telling me on the phone, but she said sometimes the hardest thing for a parent is having to tell you child something that you know will hurt them. She just kept apologizing and asking for forgiveness and that she loved me. And let me say… I absolutely do forgive her and am not upset with her… Am I sitting in Romania crying…? Yeah, I am. I loved Bentley. We grew up together and its hard to know that piece of home will not be the same when I go back. On top of knowing how bad my Uncles health is, its a lot to take in right now.
I know I talked a lot about my cat and you are probably thinking, “wow, this is the craziest thing I have ever heard.” But I am writing this blog to make a point. The thing that is hard for me right now is knowing that I am getting older. Whether I like it or not. I am starting to look around at family and friends and life and realize that time is going by and they are all getting older as well. Its bittersweet I guess is a good way to put it. I am realizing though, Heaven really does get sweeter and sweeter every day. What I mean by that is, no its not easy to say goodbye to people, but its such a blessing and great hope knowing that there is a better day coming. Thats something to be thankful for.
Growing up is hard. Whoever said it was easy didn’t know what they were talking about. I sit and look back over pictures from years past and its crazy to think about all the folks I know that are no longer here and that are with the Lord. We really have to learn to embrace each day for what it is and not take it for granite. The Bible says, “What is life, but a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” Its so true…
I guess I am actually realizing more and more that I don’t have to necessarily “grow up”, but I do need to embrace every moment, every second, of everyday because we may not have it tomorrow. “Growing up” I believe is optional. Is it necessary to become responsible? Absolutely, but responsibility doesn’t mean that you have to “grow up.” I would actually encourage the opposite and I believe the Bible does the same thing. The Bible says we need to have a child like faith. I want to learn to live life and love and live it to the fullest. Thats what the Lord wants I believe. We have become so “old” and closed off in a lot of ways I think, but I don’t want to do that. I want to learn responsibility and realize that as we “grow up” things in life change and seasons come and go, but that doesn’t mean that we have to do the same. I hope that makes sense.
Kids enjoy life and don’t worry about things of the world. Thats what the Bible calls us to do. To not worry about the things of this world. Have a child like faith. Thats what I want…
This process is teaching me so much and growing me in so many ways… I have learned a lot of responsibility and changed a lot for the better and I feel like I am better equip now to live like a responsible man of God should live, but I at no point want to “grow up”… I want to be a kid a heart forever…
So tonight, as I sit and write this blog in this little romanian home… its okay for me to cry and reflect…
I hope we never have to grow up… Thats my prayer…
Love y’all.
