So its been almost a week since I have officially started blogging and raising support for this incredible adventure that will ensue in just a short 8 months…one thing I have learned over the past week is that the enemy is not happy I am here. Understandably so, I mean why would he want for me to dedicate a year of my life to share the gospel and experience Gods hand and influence around the world? Short answer: he doesn’t. And I have been feeling that the last few days.
About an hour after I posted my blog, I got really sick. Which is weird because I rarely ever get sick, at first I brushed it off as nervousness from realizing that announcing this decision meant that the World Race was finally REAL. I was finally doing it, but it was more than that. Once that nervousness crept into my thoughts I felt sad, miserable and pathetic. I kept thinking, what if I don’t raise the money I need to go? What is my family thinks this is a waste of time? What if my friends forget about me? What if the churches I speak at tear me apart with questions I don’t know how to answer? Up until Friday I had absolute confidence in my ability to discern this calling to others, but for this entire weekend the enemy has tried to make me feel incapable of sharing the gospel, and unworthy of going on the World Race. Thankfully, my heavenly father was prepared and fought back, he stood up for me. Pointing me to scripture and allowing opportunities for people to bless me in ways that only he could orchestrate.
This morning, I was walking out of my 8:30 am Psychology class when one of the custodial staff taking her break said good morning, I said good morning back to her then thought “I’ve got time…lets talk”. So we sat down and she asked me if I spoke Spanish. I said “yeah, I speak some”. So we spent the next half hour speaking in Spanish with some broken English about her family, my family, her work, my schooling and life in general. She expressed her frustrations with the English language and how ridiculous it was that we have so many words with multiple meanings haha. She asked me what I wanted to do after school and I told her about my plans to be a missionary on the World Race only this time, I said it almost as an apology. I felt so beat up after a weekend of battling myself and my own thoughts that for the first time since learning about the race, I lacked confidence in saying it. Though my indifference was probably evident by the way I presented my plans, she responded with more encouragement than I deserved. In that moment, I knew God had sent her to bless me. She told me that serving others is the one of the most genuine form of love there is and that feeling called to do so, could only be a result of Gods grace. WOW! speakin truth. After we parted I felt completely differently than I had when I woke up. I realized that I may never feel like the most qualified missionary in the world but I am willing to go and that is what matters.
This summer at camp, my staff would often say “God does not call the equipped, he equips the called.” and that’s where I am at right now. I am willing to go, faithful that he will equip me entirely in every way: spiritually, physically, monetarily. Completely reliant on the Holy Spirit to carry me through the tough times ahead, because ultimately it is not I who will make this journey happen its Jesus! And its the most comforting thing in the world to see that my heavenly father carries me on his back 24/7. The enemy is one fallen angel who has no authority under Jesus Christ. Just as he did with Eve in the garden, he makes us doubt God’s will and calling for our lives and sneaks his way into our thoughts then mocks and watches us as we let those thoughts destroy ourselves. I for one will no longer give him so much credit, after all God has already won the battle! And I have already become his daughter, eager to Go and tell others about his love for them in Raleigh, in North Carolina, in Pennsylvania, North America, Asia, Africa, Europe and to the ends of the earth!
A friend from camp shared this verse with me (shoutout to Brody!) and it has helped me so many times, I pray that you can find comfort also in knowing that we are never too far away to return home.
“Do not boast over me my enemy, though I have fallen I will rise! Though I sit in darkness the Lord will be my light!”
-Micah 7:8
Thank you guys so much for your prayers they mean so very much to me! Please let me know if you have anything I can be praying for you about my selecting the “message me” tab on the lefthand side of the blog 🙂
