We're home!
Adjusting to life back in the U.S. has been a transition to say the least. At any moment I could be laughing or bursting into tears. I have experienced frustration when my friends and family here don't seem to understand me, and hurt when I am misunderstood.
There are many things I miss about the World Race: my team, the beloved 40-something squad members we traveled with, the girls nights, the laughter, and yes, the feedback.
Along with that there are many things I do NOT miss: the long travel days, the lack of nutrition, the lack of control, the sense of not knowing.
Believe it or not, there are still a lot of things I don't know about my future. And, I have discovered there are not many things I have control over. Bubble burst.
A few weeks ago I was beginning to feel overwhelmed with questions about the future.
Questions like,
When will I get a job?
How will we make money until we bring in a stable form of income?
What car/s will we use? (My car is old and still functioning, but may need some work)
Where will we live?
How will we pay for food?
The battle I was having with anxiety was not pretty, to say the least. As I was journaling and asking these questions to my Abba, I asked Him to speak specifically to me through His Word and bring me peace. Sure enough, my Bible study (Me Myself &Lies by Jennifer Rothschild) that day had me turn to the familiar passage of Matthew 6:25-32.
"Therefore I tell you do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
The exercises in the study for that day encouraged me to not focus on the "what ifs?" but to focus on the "what is."
What is:
God provided me with a teaching job for four years, and He can provide another teaching job for me today.
I have had babysitting jobs since I've been home, and Derek has been working for his dad for a few weeks. Praise Him for this provision!
We have not been without a car since we've been home. We did not want to start up our car insurance yet due to money, and every single day we've had a car to use. We are thankful for my parents' cars, Grandma Dorothy's car, Christy's car, and the Hot Shots van!
We have had a place to lay our head every night on the Race and every night since we've been home.
My Grandpa Charlie has been giving us mangoes and avacados from his neighbor's tree. My grandparents instructed us to take food from their pantry last night. My parents have invited us to join them for dinners. Derek's parents have taken us out to some of our favorite restaurants. Other friends and family members have been generous when we've come to visit in Arizona and North Carolina. We have not missed a meal yet!
Our Abba delights in providing for us. Sometimes we even get those extra blessings!
One thing I really desired to have done, shortly upon coming home, was to have my teeth cleaned. However, I didn't think it was wise to spend the $85 dollars to pay for a cleaning (the cheapest cost I'd found until recently without insurance). So, I decided to wait until I had insurance.
Until last week, when I walked by a dental office, and couldn't resist the sign that said "Free Cleaning."
I went inside and asked for the details. The charge for the X-rays, and first consultation is $75 and then the cleaning is free. I thought to myself, "That's ten bucks cheaper than what I found before." So, by faith I booked it for the following week.
A day later I was driving a small distance to pick up a very special woman. I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation and the ride we had together. At one point, she let me know she had written out a check to express her gratitude. I attempted to tell her that wasn't necessary, and she firmly told me not to argue with her.
Guess how much the check was made out for.
Yep, you guessed it.
Seventy-five dollars exactly.
This had been a humbling and eye opening process. I am a hard worker and like to earn my keep. That's ok. But it's not ok to refuse the gifts the Lord is giving us through others. It's hard for me to accept.
Another thing I've been struggling with is the sin of coveting. The word covet is defined as, "to desire wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard for the rights of others."
I realize that if I have a poverty perspective, than I want what others have. I desire their clothing, food, paycheck…in an unhealthy way.
However, when I have my mind renewed and change my perspective to one of generosity, I desire something much greater. I recognize how much I have been blessed, and desire to be generous in return to others.
I want to live like one who has been blessed to be a blessing to others.
I want to focus on the what is.
I want to trust Him more and me less.
