So I wrote this on the 100th day, I just haven’t had a chance to post it yet.
4/18/16
So today is my 100th day on the World Race. Wow, how time flies, as the saying goes, the days are long, but the months are short. And that is so true here on the race, sometimes it feels like we have a never ending day, and yet the months are flying by so fast, and here we are not only on the 100th day, but starting our last week of ministry here in the Philippines.
So today I celebrated the 100th day by sleeping in until 9am, then going to Tamaraw Resort where we get internet about 5 minutes away from where we’re staying. I spent the first hour writing a blog about 100 things I’ve done, seen or experienced on the race so far only to have it accidentally deleted, which frustrated me, then the person I was supposed to skype didn’t show up so I decided instead to call my family. The Martin’s for those who want to know which of my families I was calling. So I called my sister Jessica, and next thing I know I was being passed from family member to family, and for about 45 minutes just enjoyed spending time catching up with people from back home. Talking about everything from my sister Shelby’s wedding prep stuff in my folks back yard with Pops, to explaining to my little brother Calvin kind of what we’re doing here in the Philippines, toe talking to my Sister Kake about her pregnancy, to my little sister Ali getting on the phone and trying to figure out how it’s possible that it was almost lunch on Monday for me while it was bedtime on Sunday for her; and so much more. I’ve emailed them all about once a month or so since being gone, but this was the first time I’d really gotten to talk them and it was a blast and something I realized I needed, because I’d been missing them more than I’d realized. After talking to them, had lunch with team Free Birds and then went down to the beach for about half an hour and took an unexpected swim as a way to celebrate our 100th day together. Then this evening I finished the book of Exodus and Journaled some. And after dinner we get cake for our 100th day (I can’t wait…Kate made it and it looks tasty). And we ended the day by worshiping and getting to know our counterparts in the Filipino counselors that were here to help run the youth/discipleship camp with us.
What does all of that have to do with grace on the 100th day…well nothing in theory…except that when I was talking to Pops he made a comment about how based off my e-mails it seems like I’ve grown. I remember saying something along the lines of, “ya, I guess, I think it’s probably easier for people back home to notice because you haven’t seen me in a while, and I live with it day to day…” (Or something like that) ….I got to thinking about that when I got home and journaling this evening… and here’s a brief excerpt from my journal…
“…Truth is, Ya I am…but the truth also is at times I have a hard time seeing it in myself. I know I need to learn to give myself grace in the area of growth. Sometimes it’s so much easier to focus on what’s left to grow in [or realizing just how much I need to grow in, or finding something new and realizing I need to grow there too] I forget to look at how far I’ve come.”
For example, we were having Feedback Sunday the other night and we were righting a list of all the things we’re good at (i.e. personal feedback) and when I wrote down that I’m good at not easily getting angered or frustrated, I automatically flipped to the other side in my head about how at times that can be bad because I don’t stand up for myself, or I just let things roll off my back that maybe I shouldn’t and then I thought about how I needed to grow in that area as well. In doing that I totally forgot to give myself credit in how far I’ve come since being that Angry teenager/young adult who would go from 0 to 60 in less than 60 with anger issues. Growth doesn’t mean life is gonna get perfect all of a sudden, that you’re going to be perfect. There is always going to be room for improvement in your life, there is always going to be room for growth. You just have to give yourself the grace for that growth.
