6 days and I leave the place I call home
6 days and I enter into a world totally undiscovered by myself
6 days and the world as I know it will be completely altered
My excitement far outweighs my fear, but I think what keeps my excitement at bay is the sadness I feel of saying goodbye to everyone I love in the States. Recently, I was talking with a good friend of mine and expressed my deep hatred for goodbyes. She responded in agreement but added that goodbyes are necessary – they reveal the value of relationships in a way that normal circumstances of a friendship cannot. As much as they reek of pain and sadness, goodbyes have value.
Ok, I agree, good point. But it still hurts nonetheless
Later that day, I went for this incredibly long walk with my sister and just talked – talked about everything happening with our lives and our feelings towards each happening. It was a much needed walk and conversation! As we began our unforeseen extensive trek, I uttered a few sentences of my sadness towards saying goodbye…honestly, I’ve been running away from the fact that I WILL have to say goodbye – it’s inevitable. As much as I have ignored the reality of it, the goodbyes will come and I will be gone. Just like that. She smiled sympathetically – resonating with my sadness at once. We’ve all had to say our goodbyes before…each of us knows a similar pain to those farewells.
Goodbyes make me feel a little less full…more empty than satisfied. Kind of like Swiss cheese…I’ve left pieces of my heart all over the place only to find that I’m now filled with holes.
And she said to me, “You know Danielle, those holes of emptiness inside you just remind us how much more we REALLY need Christ in our lives. We cannot do it on our own. EVER. Until Christ comes back, we will continue to find ourselves spotted with holes – desperately trying to fill them back up with anything we can…but it will never work because each of those holes are meant to be filled by Christ. And He WILL fill them – in time, those holes will be made whole in Him!”
But the fact is my heart will ALWAYS be Swiss cheese – spotted with holes even when goodbyes are not on the menu. Why? Because we live in a broken, sinful world where the only hope of contentment and fulfillment rests in Christ – where the only source of healing is cradled in Him, rocking gently back and forth waiting for us to sway with Him.
My heart continues to break even at the thought of farewells…shattered for the glory of God; shattered so He can put me back together by His love.
So His loving, healing hands can be seen by the lost, captive, broken, and poor.
So they can witness the glory and power of our Heavenly Father!
So that they will run with all their might to have what I have – a redeeming, sanctified, compassionate, unconditionally loving God that desires only good for me.
So I will run this race – Swiss cheese and all, for my God who promises a life so beautiful I cannot comprehend it.
Brokenness is worth it. I would rather be broken and wholly in love with my Abba Father, than “full” and completely oblivious to a life with Him.
Swiss cheese for life, my friends, until Christ comes back to this earth! Thank goodness I LOVE cheese, haha 😉
