“It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his OWN authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” (Acts 1:7-8).
I read these verses this morning, and realized once again, that I am falling back into my cravings for control; to know exactly what is going on and how it will happen. This is a constant battle of mine, and I’m sure most of you can relate…because, let’s be honest, we are a fallen race full of sin that is held in high-regard for “having it all together.”
How ridiculous!
It is an impossible expectation to reach without our Heavenly Father.
As much as I would love to know what is going on all the time, I also have found that I love NOT knowing every single detail of this life. My timetable is not God’s timetable…the times or dates are not for me to know. God has already set them by His OWN authority…not mine. I’m just along for the ride. And it’s an incredible ride thus far!
Honestly, the less in control I am the better off I am. It causes me to have complete dependence on Him…trusting Him in the valleys of life and the peaks of life too. My heart is most at home and at peace when it is walking 100% with God. His way of doing things is ALWAYS better than my way. My way is full of constant sinning and failures. But God, He’s big enough to take care of not only me but all of us…to come through when things seem impossible because He will never fail.
A good friend of mine shared this song with me about a week ago, and it’s been playing in my head on rewind ever since…I love it because it’s full of truth about the God we serve and run to when we have just completely thrown our hands up in frustration!
TIMES
By: Tenth Avenue North
I know I need You
I need to love You
I love to see You, but it’s been so long
I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Now You pull me near You
When we’re close, I fear You Still
I’m afraid to tell You, all that I’ve done
Are You done forgiving?
Oh can You look past my pretending?
Lord, I’m so tired of defending, what I’ve become
What have I become?
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
I hear You say, “My love is over. It’s underneath.
It’s inside. It’s in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can’t feel.
The times that you question, ‘Is this for real? ‘
The times you’re broken. The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it’s underneath.
It’s inside, it’s in between.
These times you’re healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you’re falling from grace.
The times you’re hurting. The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I’m there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I’m there through your heartache. I’m there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow’r alone.
I don’t care where you fall, where you have been.
I’ll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends.”
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
This song reminds us that the Bible is a story about failures…not a story about moral heroes. Yes, there are some very heroic stories within the Bible, but ultimately, it is a wonderful story of human failure where God swoops in and restores those failures. Within these moral failures, God gives us a glimpse of his many promises to us. His love, grace, mercy, patience, generosity, provision, etc. He allows us to fail so we are drawn even closer to him….so we don’t just walk to him, but that we RUN to him with all that we are!
He is our relentless Heavenly Hero.
Our eternal Savior.
Not only does this song portray our failure, it is also a beautiful, raw prayer that expresses the war between struggle and peace; where God says He will carry us with His LOVE in every condition we find ourselves in, whether that be in times of heartache, fear, brokenness, confusion, pain, chaos, hunger, temptations, etc. His love is over, underneath, inside, and in-between all these struggles.
We are covered 100% – No question.
As Paul writes in Ephesians:
“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:17-19)
So in times when I am grasping for control, when I feel like I’m drowning in confusion, chaos, or lack of motivation, I am reminded that God is 100% with me in all of it. I am never alone in my struggles or my failures. He loves me that much!
Whether my heart is in a struggle or in peace, He is there with me.
My central support system.
He is my biggest fan.
That’s undeserved love…freely given to each of us.
So as I continue in this journey towards the World Race, I find myself often in the face of uncertainty. Am I going to receive enough financial support? Will I be good enough to make it through training and 11 months in 11 different countries? Will I be able to eat enough without food allergies getting in the way? Where do I get my shots? Do I have enough money for shots? Will my team be just right for me…will I be a good fit for them?! You get the point…
In reality, all these questions don’t really matter. Yes, they will still float around in my head and more will probably stack on top of them, but they will soon be answered.
TIME is the answer.
The best solution I know of is prayer, patience and waiting upon the Lord to bring me peace and rest. These questions don’t matter because I am absolutely certain that this is where God has called me regardless of my fears, worries, and uncertainties. And since God has called me to missions for a year, I am also certain that He will make a way when there seems to be no way…when all other avenues have been exhausted and nothing seems to be working, God will make a way. He always comes through because in the end, He will never fail.
