I wonder what God will ask me to give up for His sake.
I know it will be painful. I know it will be difficult, maybe even a little unruly, a little challenged.
If, for instance, He asks me to go with Him to a country besides America for a ling term commitement, I would feel the pangs of leaving my family. I distinctly want to be immursed in family life, loving and being loved, annoying and being annoyed. I positively LOATH the idea of missing out on anything my sister goes through, likewise with my cousins and family who have known me from birth.
Similiarly, Two of my very best friends are both pregnant right now, and I’m missing everything from the while 9 months. I find solice in that “I’ll be there when it counts to them, getting them in trouble, getting them out.”
But I have this ever stinging BUT. But what if God moves me somewhere else… what if I miss more weddings, births, first words and heartbreaks? What if I miss the little every day things that make us family? Those little querky things that bind us and shape us and change us and grow us… those things that I love and hate and miss and am glad to have a break from?
… but what if I chose my life over His? What if I decided to be in control of this incredibly miniscule and immeasurably important existance?
Loving God isn’t about the fear I have about these things. Be they unnecessary, truly they are unnecessary, life will unfold into this beautiful warm quilt that I enjoy cuddling with on cold nights. I should say, Life with a capitol L. (And by that I mean, Jesus.)
As much as I cling to and desire this earthly existance to be something sweet and tangible, like a chocolate molten lava cake, it often is ellusive and sometimes you have to really look to see that one flower in a big patch of dissapointing, patchy grass.
I guess what I’m trying to tell myself is this: Chose Jesus, because his spirit will comfort you. Chose His way, because he supplies strenght through joy, and blessings through struggles, if we open our mind enough to them.
Thanks for reading! if chosing Jesus over everything else seems scary to you, you are normal and its okay to be there. Ive started chosing Him in small ways… through fasting and waking early, just to train my feet for endurance and obedience in the big race, whatever that may be.
