I’ve been living the life of a calendar. Each month brings a new picture, a new perspective, 30 blank days to fill. A huge part of the race for me has been change. I have gone on this journey from refusing change, to accepting change, to adjusting to change and to where I am now, (finally) embracing change. It has become a way of life over the last eleven months.
When I first opened this calendar to January the scene was a beautiful Costa Rican Mountain Side town, San Pedro. This was the first flip of many more to come. It was all brand new to me. First I was rushed through the streets of San Jose to a creeper van that I later came to know as our church van and whisked away on the bumpy city roads to a beautiful school/church. I learned what it really meant to live in community. My team learned to unintentionally AND intentionally stretch each other right off the bat.
I think the biggest change I made that month was how I chose to use my words. Instead of throwing them around carelessly, I was challenged to choose carefully. Not only the words that I said but I was also challenged to speak less and listen more. I always thought I was an excellent listener. But God showed me that he wanted me to listen to HIM. I clearly remember him telling me to listen and speak HIS words. Even though at first I resisted, it has really made such a difference.
“God, I don’t want to change who I am for these people.”
He quickly reminded me that it wasn’t for them..
Month two started off in a dingy, dusty & somewhat stinky town called Palacaguina, Nicaragua. This calendar page doesn’t show a beautiful landscape or the Nicaraguan people. This page shows the people I grew to love. I have never felt more trapped in my life, if it wouldn’t have been for them – I would have left the race that month. I thought I knew about living in community after month one.
Nope.
Community became more important than ever, I realized that when you love someone, preferring them is second nature. The people I grew closest to, were easy to prefer. Time seemed to be speeding past with all my friends surrounding me. Sometimes it would slow down just enough to catch my breath and thank God for these precious days. Every night we would take a walk out to field and lay down and watch the stars.
No matter what the day held, we would unwind and grow closer with each laugh, each story, each confession (each tear).. for the first time in my life I was surrounded by more than on person who I could say anything around. I never felt self conscious in that circle. We talked about our struggles and celebrations, daily. It was like finally finding a church that functioned as a church. (and so, ‘the Weenies’ were born)
I blinked two too many times and all of the sudden I was in Honduras, with my team on the side of a mountain without power. It was incredible. My team and I lived in our tents in the coldest climate we’ve experienced on the race. It came as a pleasant surprise to me. I loved life on the mountain. It was, physically, the most challenging month for me. Everywhere we went was uphill or down a weird unstable mud path. I fell down at least once everyday, it became an expectation. Even so, this calendar photo would undoubtedly display my view every morning from my tent.
Most importantly, I began spending every morning in the bible and talking to our Father. It was absolutely beautiful. Every distraction was disabled with the lack of electricity. Jesus time was my only form of sanity. I learned a lot about how he saw me, that month. I learned more about his love and who he wanted to be for me. I caught a glimpse of what being his daughter was supposed to be.
Then just as suddenly as it began, Central America was over. On to Southeast Asia, we went. This was the month of Manistry and Womanistry. The men went to their own ministry location and the women formed their own new teams. One of my best friends became my team leader, that might have been the best part of that month. April would prove to be the most difficult month, spiritually.
I think for the most part I would never go back to Thailand. HOWEVER; I 100% support others going. I would actually encourage it. God is doing a great work in Chiang Mai.
From the beginning, Chiang Mai was the city I most looked forward to going to. I wanted so badly to do bar ministry. I never expected to be so affected. My heart hurt, every single day. I would look out at all the perfect Thai girls as we went about our day and I knew the odds. I would see little girls holding their parents hands or walking near their families and I would pray that their parents would love them enough not to sell them.
When I actually went to the bars I found myself just getting angry. I felt so many different emotions with each face I encountered, but what stuck with me was anger. I was angry that no one was doing anything to stop this. I felt angry at the men (mostly white) who kept these bars in business. I was amazed at how unwilling I was, to pray for them. I could not let my mind go there until I was out of Thailand. I actually made a video about it, so if you’d like to see a little bit of what I’m talking about and you have 9 minutes to spare – Check it Out!
Month five was a nice change of scenery. Malaysia was every bit as hot as Thailand, but the ministry wasn’t quite as challenging. This was the first month of my third team (if you count womanistry as my 2nd team). This month, my teammate Caity and I worked at a kindergarten. It was the most chill job ever and I had one of my favorite contacts of the World Race, Pastor Thomas. In Malaysia, I took on somewhat of a leadership role and recognized how much weight my words could carry.
The Lord placed people in my life that month that shaped the rest of my race. Devin & Jeff played a very special role as my brothers, (trever too, before teamchange). I never really understood what it looked like to have a healthy relationship with a male. These two were stuck with me for 7 months. They changed my view of Godly men and showed me how to function in a platonic relationship (whether they are aware of this or not). I love them with all my heart and wouldn’t trade them for the world.
Month 6 was the month I believe Team PAWS really started getting to know each other. I loved Cambodia, I think this calendar page would display my team in front of Angkor Wat, but it would be focused on us. The temple would fade into the back because the real beauty would be radiating from our smiles. We really unified this month. We went through a lot of difficult times, we had our fair share of trials, but they brought us together and I learned the most about letting go that month.
I learned that God is a much better teammate, father, mother, sister, friend – ANYTHING than I could be. He loves so well, I can try and try and NEVER even come close to loving as well as he does. He takes care of his children and it’s not up to me. That was one of the most difficult lessons, but it was beautiful.
At this point in the race, I had never been so excited to leave a place. Interestingly enough, I actually really enjoyed Cambodia, I was just ready to leave Asia and go to the land of my people. (AFRICA) We touched down and I put my phone in the air and played the Circle of Life for all to hear. I was SO excited.
Month 7 was without a doubt the most beautiful African country and the people were even more beautiful. On about my 3rd day in Rwanda, I met my pastor. Pastor Fatier was beautiful from the start, she welcomed us into her home and even gave us beds; a luxury on the World Race. This month for me was all about truly seeing myself and finding out what I was capable of. It was almost more freeing than leaving for the race itself. If I could accurately capture the Rwandan Sky, that’s what I would choose as this calendar page. However, that is impossible – you just had to be there.
Instead this month the calendar page would be the pack of children that followed us everywhere we went. Maybe it would be sectioned off with one part being the kids that followed us and the other half the people we lived with. Maybe even the 4 pots our food came in. They were the same everyday. In the same order, typically containing the same items each time. Rice, Noodles, potatoes, cabbage. Simple and Beautiful. The food symbolized for me the consistency with which we have to work at our relationship with Jesus. The ladies who prepared these things for us every day worked so diligently to make sure we were taken care of.
If we spent time listening and worshipping and working diligently toward our relationship with Jesus, we would be so much healthier. Maybe then we could break through the silence that we think is there… Sorry. Too Much? Okay. On to the next.
Leaving Rwanda was the most difficult exit I made on the race, I truly fell in love with the people of that country. I love endings. I enjoy the feeling of completion so it was exciting to move on, but I finally found a place where I felt I belonged so it was bittersweet. But month 8 held something special of its own. In Uganda I had the opportunity to preach about 2 or 3 times a week. I rediscovered the love of public speaking in the form of preaching and found that my words were bringing freedom and growth to the beautiful people of Bunamwaya. I felt so blessed to be used.
This calendar page proudly displays the pastors I got to work under. It was really incredible to feel empowered by male pastors in A F R I C A. Empowerment was my biggest lesson in Uganda. Not only how to accept being empowered but how to empower the people around me. Uganda probably ranks up in the top 5.
Kenya took us all by surprise I think. As month 9 World Racers, we all wondered why we hadn’t run into any really weird or horrible experiences.. that’s because Kenya hadn’t happened yet. The first night in our last month in Africa started with some false advertising gone wrong. We were under the impression that we were headed to a nice quiet hostel. One that had wifi, maybe some food, perhaps other people staying there. In general, we kind of expected it to be an okay establishment.
So you can imagine our surprise when we rolled up on (what appeared to be) an abandoned, unfinished castle-looking two-story house. The home appeared to be occupied by a few squatters who somehow gained access to internet long enough to create a misleading website. We laughed and cried and went to bed in this house and we survived, despite the lack of a working toilet. A few of us even managed to shower. Then we decided to stay another night.. because that’s what World Racers do. lol This calendar page probably displays confused faces.
The weirdness in Kenya didn’t end once we arrived at our ministry. This was the month of the least ministry, which worked out since we were a new team and needed some bonding time. It was a challenging month as we fought the laziness, apathy and general grumpiness. It was freaking hard. But we came out unified and we celebrated when it was over because we overcame the darkness of that place. Near the end West Gate happened, right as we were planning what we would be doing in Nairobi.
God thought this was a good time to teach me about trust. I’m still mad about it.
I seriously cannot even begin to describe to you what a blessing Nepal was. When we flew into month 10, I was in disbelief. I almost thought that maybe I was never actually going to be done with the Race. Like I was just going to repeat certain months over and over and just never get to the end. (unrealistic, but my true thoughts) I love Nepal. The people are the best, they get our humor, they have servant hearts and truly care about you’re wellness, not just what you think of them.
We walked all over Sarlahi, this month. We prayed over the city and the country and India. We prayed, we talked to the villagers, we laughed together, we explored, climbed a mountain (foothill), we gave traffic prevention presentations and loved well. Then at the end of the month we spent a few days in a beautiful little tourist town in Kathmandu called Thamel. We had so much fun. It was such a turn around from the previous month. We were so blessed.
Then all of the sudden we were in month 11. India was a surprise and not the most pleasant. In fact if I were to describe it, I would tell you that the only word that could possibly sum it up would be assaulting. It is assaulting in every sense. From people cars honking every other second out of consideration for the driver they’re about to cut off to the scent of dead rotting animal mixed with the sweet scent of marigolds.
But soon this all became normal and we adjusted. We preached every single night. It was incredible and exhausting. With 6 teammates total we each ended up preaching about every other day. Then with less than a days notice we were scooped up and moved to Hyderabad. We were dropped off in an empty mansion in the equivalent of Beverly Hills..Jubilee Hills, Hyderabad. Turns out the ministry just got possession of a new children’s home and needed it to be DEEP cleaned. It was just the last week we needed.
This calendar page can only be the smiles I encountered. So many people were saved and healed that month. God is really moving in Andhra Pradesh. Then before we knew it we were in final debrief. One huge, awesome, sad and hilarious party.
It was a wonderful end to the craziest year of my life. But nothing could prepare me for the biggest transition that followed that month.
THIS ONE.
2013 as a whole has proved to be the most challenging, inspiring, incredible, moving, freaking hard, beautiful, growing and frustrating year of my life. Not solely because of the things I experienced on the race but also because of the things I’m now experiencing at home. This has been a year of adjusting to cultures and tolerating the rules and abiding to guidelines and expectations of contacts and cultural laws. I have felt the oppression, I have been subject to the spiritual and political warfare.
I have a new understanding of freedom spiritually and politically. We live in one of the greatest countries in the world. We are free. If you don’t believe that or feel it, get out and experience it. At the very least post a status on facebook… about whatever you want and go to bed tonight knowing you won’t be shunned by your family or kicked out of your state. No one is going to publicly humiliate you and then put you in prison for admitting that you love Jesus. Especially as a woman, this freedom we have here should NOT be taken for granted. I have now been in a handful of countries that think nothing of us. We are the dirt beneath their fingernails.
This is what I see, we are ungrateful. This isn’t something that traveling the world allowed me to see. We all know it. We all know that we have more than most of the rest of the world. That awareness is not something new. The part that I see now is the extent. It’s in our culture, nothing is enough. We see something like Phil Robertson being suspended from our TV and we are up in arms. When GOD is WORKING. There are so many good things happening here. There are so many things to get excited about. Can we just celebrate? This is what the enemy wants. He wants us to get caught up in the negative, he WANTS us to become separated and cynical and untrusting.
GOD IS MOVING – OPEN YOUR EYES AND CELEBRATE IT.
We are so challenged by this freedom we have taken for granted.
We are walking around this earth grumpy and jaded.
And I don’t know how to adjust.
I won’t adjust.
The end of my calendar is a bittersweet picture of a door closing.
The end of my calendar is a picture of my eyes full of tears as a I ride an escalator away from my family of 50 up to a gate that heads toward Indianapolis.
The end of my calendar is seeing my family poking their heads around the corner of my exit ramp.
The end of my calendar is Hope.
A hope for a better future for my generation and those to come.
God has called me to the country that I love so much.
The USA is one of the most spiritually poor countries I’ve ever been to.
I am more than excited to explore the next chapter.
I am excited to move forward, but this adjustment period could prove the most challenging.
Send up a prayer.
Thanks.
“Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.” – Mr.Rogers
