Hi from Marin. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve written a blog. I don’t exactly know how to put into words everything I’ve been experiencing since my last blog. The World Race has been one of the most fun and fulfilling parts of my life. I wake up everyday thankful to be on this journey. However, it hasn’t been without its struggles. With my perfectionistic personality, I’ve had to learn that it’s ok to struggle. I’ve realized that we’re not meant to face struggles alone. I hope that me sharing my struggles with you will encourage you to share your struggles with someone. It helps. I’ve learned too that we’re not meant to struggle forever. One way I’ve been able to find peace in struggles is by thinking about why I’m thankful for them.
So in no order, here are 3 of the biggest things I’ve been struggling with the last 7 months and why I’m thankful for them:
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Being ok with sticking out: Whether it’s external factors like height or skin color or internal factors like habits or beliefs, we stick out a lot wherever we go. Sometimes it’s painful to stick out (I was pinched a lot last month by curious kids…). Sometimes I get more attention than I want. Sometimes people treat me differently because I am the strange one, the “other”. Sometimes the struggle is just in my own head. Simply stated, being different is just difficult.
Why I’m thankful: It’s given me even more empathy and compassion for the “others” in society. In general, being an American “other” has brought us positive attention. That’s been hard enough. I can only imagine what being part of a rejected and looked down upon “other” group must be like. I’m thankful because it has given us a platform to speak to people and share with people. I’m thankful because it’s helped me build my confidence that it’s ok to be me (believing what I believe and doing what I do in my life) without others around me being the same or even approving. Being different has humbled me. It has given me courage.
2. Being married in community: The struggle is real here. The nature of the race: navigating traveling around the world together, interacting with so many people groups, doing new tasks, etc. brings to light new things in a person. The race makes me see things in my partner that I haven’t seen before- sometimes good, sometimes not. It’s a struggle processing the same experience in different ways. It’s hard to both grow individually while growing together as a couple. It’s extra challenging finding space and time alone together living with a team. Other people get to/have to experience your good days and bad days as a couple. Marriage takes a lot more effort and work and investment than it did for us living in “normal life”.
Why I’m thankful: After doing marriage in community, I realize all the benefits of having people who are close to me be able to see my marriage (the good and bad parts). It’s like having a multi-person marriage counselor, in a way. My team speaks exhortation into me when they see an area that could use growth. They speak encouragement into us when we need it. They push us out the door for date night. They have given us new perspectives that have helped us so much. Oddly enough, I’m thankful that I’m put into a situation where marriage takes more work. We’ve fought for each other. We’ve sought each other out with more intention. We’ve had difficult conversations that needed to happen that have brought us to good places. We’ve decided, “You’re worth it. We’re worth it.”
3. Knowing what to say: I mean both literally and not here. We don’t know the languages in many places we go so we don’t know what to say. (Learning has been really fun for me though!) But beyond that, I’ve been left speechless so many times. I don’t know what to say when I see children begging and stealing and living on the street. I don’t know what to say when a mom tells me she doesn’t have enough money to feed her kids and send them to school. I don’t know what to say when a man tells me that the war caused him to lose everything and everyone that was once important to him. I don’t know what to say. Pain demands a response, but I’m left speechless and helpless.
Why I’m thankful: I’ve learned that love doesn’t always need words. Love doesn’t always need to fix things. Sometimes all love can do is listen, and that IS enough. Giving someone a chance to share their experiences validates their pain and lightens their burden. Listening says, “You are important to me. You have something worth sharing.” Listening can’t undo what’s been done, but it can change the trajectory of what is to come. Listening to someone can move in their heart in a way that the wisest word might not be able to. There is power in listening. I’m thankful that I don’t have to know what to say. I’m thankful for the gift of listening.
Thank you for letting me share my struggles with you. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m far from being thankful for ALL of my struggles. There are still a lot of things that I struggle with that I don’t understand; but I’m slowly learning that there can be gifts in difficulty. I’m thankful that I can agree with what Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 and I’m thankful that struggling is NOT the end of the story:
8 “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit. 9 We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going.”
