285 Miles of Debrief

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

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Some say that “reverse culture shock” can be more intense during the reentry into your own society than during your initial departure from it. I started feeling it the moment we hit Cape Town, South Africa during my last week abroad. In one sense I was thankful for the blessing of this past year, and joyful for the rest that was sure to come. Yet, I felt sad to be leaving my team and the adventurous lifestyle that had become my norm. I don’t to bore you with all of the details, but I felt joyful, anxious, exhilarated, uncertain, expectant, upset, reflective, pensive, and broken-hearted. And I hadn’t even hit American soil yet.

At debrief in Cape Town we talked about some of the common reactions people have after an experience like this:

Alienation: After returning home some people totally reject their culture. They tend to have a critical eye and have a hard time coming to terms with the people they know. They realize they have changed and expect their peers to be changed too.

Assimilation: These folks pick up life right where it left off. Their experience is sort of pushed out of sight and out of mind. Life just moves on as it always was.

Integration: This is probably the healthiest reaction that you could have. These people are capable of seeing the beauty and pitfalls of their home and their experiences abroad. They embrace the fact that they have changed and attempt to incorporate the best of both worlds. They also understand that not every aspect of their lifestyle will be appropriate back at home. So they allow themselves to be released from those expectations and praise God for allowing them to live differently for a season.

I am changed. It’s hard not to be after seeing the world as I did this past year. It’s hard not to be after seeing God work miracles. I never want to lose sight of that. So rather than rushing back into life the moment I got home, I decided to take a long backpacking trip to allow myself the time and space to learn to “integrate” my experiences.

There is a lot of value in knowing your “element,” when dealing with culture shock. For me, being in the outdoors is huge. So I decided to backpack from Salida to Denver, and climb a few of Colorado’s tallest mountains along the way. Last week I completed my 285 mile journey after being in the woods for 25 days. Packing was kind of humorous. I took the bag that I travelled across the world with and threw out about two-thirds of my gear. Then I packed up some extra food and I was all set!

For me, the trip was the perfect transition back into my own culture. For starters, I am home. Many of the areas that I hiked through I’ve been visiting since I was a kid, like Copper Mountain for example. At the same time, I didn’t have most of the comforts that home affords. I would take frigid bucket showers in glacier melt creeks, which reminded me a lot of the Race. My food was well within our Race budget too. Breakfast consisted of a pair of power bars and a peanut butter and jelly tortilla. For lunch, I ate another two peanut butter and jelly tortillas. Dinner normally consisted of mac n’ cheese, dehydrated chili, or rice a roni. I would be totally fine if I didn’t touch any of those items again for a year. I lost 10 pounds in the process; but, my mom has been doing a pretty darn good job of fixing that problem since I’ve been back home.

What does integration look like for me?

Community: This has been a theme in my life for many years, but I recognize now more than ever the value of living with a group of loving people. Even after I’m married and settled down I want to be in close contact with other families on a constant basis. This is one of those areas that the rest of the world understands far better than Americans.

Finances: Ultimately, we are only stewards. There’s no reason I was born here with all of the support I’ve received, and not in a dump without a father or family half-way across the world. Don’t be afraid to let that thought sink in. I’m not suggesting that we’re not allowed to enjoy the favor that God has lavished on us, but I don’t want to forget that I am not the owner of these finances. What that looks like on a daily basis has to be a prayerful decision. However, as a general goal, I want my life to be distinguished as a life of blessing, because I believe that honors God.

Health: If you can manage to successfully workout while constantly traveling between foreign countries, than you can do it anywhere. Gluttony is real. We’re not just called to honor God with our words and actions, but with our bodies too. I’ve been more aware this year than ever before in my life of exactly how connected my spiritual health and physical health are. I don’t want to be taking 20 different pills when I grow older, and that lifestyle starts right now.

Ministry: If your relationship with God is not real to you, it’s never going to be real to someone else. It’s weird to act one way alone at home and differently elsewhere. Jesus said that we’re to be a city on a hill and lamp on a stand. That doesn’t mean getting weird with people. That doesn’t mean trying to act perfect, because you’re not. Hiding your imperfections just makes you look like a hypocrite. However, you are a completely redeemed, blessed, and loved child of God. Let that relationship speak for itself; and don’t hide it away. Use the gifts that God has given you to do his work in the way that he’s asked you to do it. Don’t trap yourself in comparison with someone else’s ministry. You stand before him alone and he will make you stand! For me, I discovered how much I love praying for people. I’m not in the least bit bothered by asking a stranger if I can pray for them. It has actually been really encouraging to see that this blessing has already naturally started integrating itself into life at home. I had many opportunities to pray for people on the trail.

Vulnerability: You’re never going to experience depth of relationship without being genuine with people. Let’s face it, most of the time people can see right through your mask anyway. And if they can’t, where does that leave you? I’m not saying you’ve got to throw all of junk on the table the moment you meet someone. There is plenty of room for healthy discernment. I just don’t ever want to fear growing closer to a person because of some need to uphold an image of what I hope people think of me. Your true affirmation comes from the Father, and that’s really good news for us.

Grace: Here’s an interesting one. I don’t know when or how I got stuck in such a religious trap, but I discovered this past year how I had plenty of grace normal people, unless they professed themselves to be Christians. Then there was a “higher standard” by which they should be living their lives. It bothered me, for example, when I saw them watching or trading pirated films. I mean, don’t you call yourself a Christian? It’s funny how easy it was for me to be critical of certain sins while simultaneously being so blinded to my own shortcomings, which in my mind where fleeting moments of weakness and not an outright rebellious act. The Spirit of God really convicted me on that one. I’m so thankful for my team that had the nerve to call it out and patience with me as I tried to start changing my thoughts. I like thinking about the disciples, and the bone-head things they would say and do. These men were quite literally the followers of Jesus, and he showed them nothing short of complete grace.

Positivity: As a computer scientist, I’ve been trained to look through code with a critical eye for more efficient solutions, more clarity, more stability, etc. That’s great for code, but the death of joy in so many other aspects of life. Simply put, I don’t want to live that way. Ignoring my frustrations doesn’t solve anything, but releasing them to God to find rest in him is a promise he made. And as you can imagine, he’s pretty darn good at keeping those promises.

Those are some of the big things I want to focus on during this transition. Of course, there are many others too: like continuing to improve at the guitar, learning to not fill my schedule, and organizing a small group, but you’ve got to start somewhere.

To My Supporters

Thank you! I want you to know that God really has used you to bless men, women, and children around the globe. Sometimes in came in the form of a meal at a feeding center; sometimes it was a conversation and a smile; sometimes it was an English lesson; and sometimes it was physical healing from prayer. It was always love. Your investment financially and through prayer does not end with this trip either. As I’ve been trying to communicate, I am also changed, and I don’t intend on happily returning to the status quo. I going to continue passing forward this blessing and I praise God for the way he multiples it. May God bless you as you have blessed me. He really does open the floodgates of heaven and pour out more than we can handle. That’s his promise! Thank you.

To My Readers

Thank you all for your love and support through this journey. I hope this blog has served as an encouragement. I’m so thankful that being home is filled with opportunities and not a lack thereof. There are still many roads ahead of me, and I would love your prayers as I consider what comes next. I often find myself on the “Road Not Taken.” This past year was surely one of those roads. I too think it makes “all of the difference.” May God bless you as travel down your own roads. Next time you hit an intersection, I encourage you to consider traveling that road as well!

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