I am living in community with six other people (five Americans and a Korean). We do ministry together, eat meals together, exercise together, watch movies together, play games together and yet I haven’t felt this alone for a really long time.
The struggle is real…
…I am the only Brit on the entire squad which has become increasingly difficult as each day passes.
I guess you could say I was naive – I knew I wasn’t faced with a language barrier despite a few differences between British English and American English and in some ways the two countries are similar. I came onto the race expecting to fit in straight away, I thought everyone to want a British best friend and would want to learn about Britain.
I was wrong…
…there are so many differences between our two countries that I had never thought of before and as an English graduate I really struggle with the fact we use different spellings.
Friendship isn’t something which comes instantly normally so why would it be any different on the race – it takes time and effort to get to know each other. I am never going to have the same level of friendship with my team mates after only knowing them for seven weeks as I have with my best friend back home whom I have known for 20 years.
My upbringing has been different – from the education system to which sports are popular – I have even started referring to football as soccer just because it saves confusion. But in some ways I feel like this means I am losing my identity.
During month one in Thailand when being on the race was still new I had the most amazing time getting to know my squad, talking to people who had spent time in the UK and being the only one from England – I felt unique.
However halfway through my time in Cambodia I began to feel overwhelmed by the spirit of loneliness and began to wonder why I was even called to the World Race. I began missing talking to other British people and hearing their accents, the seven hour time difference meant I couldn’t really communicate with friends and family because when I had internet it was the middle of the night back home. Sometimes I just want to talk to someone who will understand me and be able to have those ‘British’ conversations with.
Little things which wouldn’t usually affect me began to frustrated me even when I knew they were meant in jest. Someone made a comment that they liked the English words sachet and rubbish bin but rejected everything else – I felt that it wasn’t just my language they rejected but that they were also rejecting me. I began to find the way I pronounced words was either imitated or rejected and when my teammates had conversations about people, places or things in America I would feel excluded from conversations because I had nothing to contribute. I felt alone.
But God never calls someone and then abandons them, I know that that he is walking beside me every day and he is equipping me in the way I need to be equipped. He put me on this squad for a reason and he is going to use the fact that I am from England for his purpose, his perfect plan.
The Lord Almighty has sworn,
‘Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will happen.
Isaiah 14:24
This journey was never meant to be easy – it was meant to take me out of my comfort zone stretch me more than I have been stretched before and give me no other option but to rely fully on God for support and wisdom and guidance. I now know the true meaning of leaving my comfort zone and God stretches me everyday into uncomfortable places but I know that at the other end of this I will be a different person.
My team may be made up of people from three countries, three continents and four states in Americas but the only thing that really matters is that we are brothers and sisters in Christ.
The lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.
Deuteronomy 31:8
