I have been back on The World Race field as a Squad Leader for W-Squad for nearly 2 months now.
I still remember sitting across from Renee in the AIM office as she interviewed me for the Squad Leading position as she asked me the question, “What do you think will be the most challenging part of Squad Leading for you?”
I already knew my answer and I had known it since the first time I sat down in month 10 of my World Race to really think about applying to Squad Lead after the end of my race.
I took a second to figure out how to formulate the thoughts that had been inside of my head for 3 months into English words that made sense. “It’s going to be really hard for me to not have people who I can directly go to when things get hard or to have people to rely on who I know will ask me questions and check in on me.”
My 11 months on The World Race with Gsquad taught me an incredible amount about who I am, how I operate, and areas that I need to grow in personally. My race experience showed me that a challenging area in my life is my natural tendency to go to people first to process, to rely on, and to feel affirmed. It was hard on my World Race to not simply rely on the 5-6 other God-fearing, wise, and caring teammates that I had and to make sure that I was taking everything that was happening and that I was going through to the Lord first. I grew in that area a lot during the end half of my race, but God knew I still needed to strengthen my bond of reliance on Him to always be first.
As a squad leader I don’t have that team of 5-6 other people to do the race side by side with and to be constantly supported and affirmed by. I have been blessed with a co-leader, Jake, but we are infrequently in the same place because we are usually split between teams in different parts of the country. It hit me within the first few weeks of squad leading (when I was still in Bulgaria, Month 1) that, without having my team to rely on this time, I have been trying to do this World Race by myself.
But, the problem is, I can’t do this by myself.
And I most definitely cannot lead others by myself.
I’ve learned quickly while Squad Leading that the days when I rely on my own strength, wisdom, experiences to get through and to give advice to others ends with me feeling exhausted and burnt out. But on the days that I start my day off by spending time with the Lord, sitting in His presence, dwelling on His word and operating from a place of His wisdom and experience; those are the days when by the end of the night I can lay my head down and still feel refreshed and my mind is at peace despite however busy I was or how many conversations I had that day. Not to mention that, when I operate from a place of the Holy Spirit versus my own flesh, I am able to speak much more life and truth into others than when I attempt to operate out of my own abilities or wisdom.
“Ministry doesn’t have to leave you feeling exhausted and burnt out. Ministry done well, done in the Spirit, should be life giving and leave you feeling more energized and more filled up.”
The first time I heard those statements, I felt the conviction. I instantly thought of all the times that I had held the outlook that full-time ministry is expected to be an exhausting experience. But now I realize that, more often than not, that exhaustion had come from me trying to do ministry by myself and operating from my own strength and not taking the time to take everything I was doing, feeling and thinking to the Lord FIRST. I had relied on people, on myself, and had completely ignored the truth in the verse in Phillipians 4:13 that says, “You can do all things THROUGH Christ who gives you strength.” It doesn’t say I can do all things THROUGH myself or through my wisdom. It says THROUGH Christ. I don’t know how much clearer it gets than that! But I do have a theory that, ‘life is just a repeat of lessons learned’, so I can’t say that it surprises me that I am learning this life lesson once again while Squad Leading.
So in a nutshell, God is teaching me how to be a leader who leads through His leadership in me and not my own. He is teaching me that His words are FAR greater and FAR more life giving than my own. He is showing me that a day spent operating in Him is a day that I can end feeling full and not empty, no matter what happened that day. I am learning that others don’t need me or my words, they need Christ and His words.
He is teaching me that I can’t do this thing by myself and that by trying to, I am simply robbing myself of the life that He is waiting to give me and to give through me to others.
*I am currently still in need of $240 to be Fully Funded on my Squad Leading journey. If you feel led to help support me in this mission that the Lord has called me to, you can click on the Support Me button above
**Prayer Requests:
-Our final days here in Draganesti-Olt, Romania to be life giving to the people and the ministry here
-Our squad travels from Romania to Albania on Wednesday
-Good Health for the entire squad as we travel to our next country and new ministries
-For God to give us all willing spirits and hungry hearts for more of Him and less of ourselves
