It's funny where life takes you or better yet, where the roads you choose to travel on, end up. I sit here in Malaysia, actually I am lying down because I am horribly sick. So sick in fact that I have seen three different doctors all who have diagnosed me with three different illnesses. I would like to think that this is just a way God is showing me something that he enabled Solomon to experience.
You see, l am so sick that the only thing I have is the inability to do anything. My body has reached exhaustion mode due to the fact that my immune system just can't battle off whatever it has been battling for the past 17 days. I can barely breath and therefore, can't do the one thing that I love to do; sing. The only comfort I receive is through the elevation of my lungs in the extra pillow I purchased for $1.75 at the local supermarket. Just so you know how bad it has gotten, I do not even have the desire to socialize and for anyone who knows me, this is fact in itself that I am truly sick. However, in this God has shown me just like he has shown Solomon and many others before me, that Everything is Meaningless.
In this tiny bit of agony that I have experienced, it has given me plenty of time to think of where I was this time last year. I was comfortable. I had enough money. I was doing things that I desired. I had many friendships. I was content. And now… now, I am in a country where the culture is like a battle between three star-crossed lovers. A country where 'Christians' aren't exactly accepted and most definitely not applauded. However, in this I have realized that Malaysia, just like any other place, is the same as where I have come from. You see, people are the same. They wake up. They go to work. They eat. They sleep. Everything is like a continuous circle that only ends with the final date inscribed on the gravestone. Everything is meaningless.
Since I am sick, it has shown me all of the things that I love. The things that I miss. The things that I am missing. All of these things however, are meaningless. You see, God is and should always be my number one. He should be the meaning behind every choice I make, desire I have, and dream I chase. He should be the center but sometimes in life, we get so caught up in our ideas that we forget to keep our focus on the one who has the ability to make things happen. Purpose is lost but only because the only way we can truly have purpose is if we continue seeking the one who can give it to us. Sometimes it takes being sick, sometimes it takes losing someone, or sometimes, it takes no movement at all to show you how to truly move.
This month has been long. This month has not been the most fun. However, this month has not been meaningless because in it, God has given me a perspective that I can learn and grow from. Everything is meaningless… without God.
P.S. A big thanks to my friends that took care of me during this time. It did not go unnoticed and it meant the world to me. You know who you are. 🙂
