We have reached the halfway point of the August 2009 World Race. I remember beginning this trip and realizing the next 11 months would be the longest I had ever been away from home. I love to go, but I also love being at home with my family. I thought holidays and birthdays would be hard to miss. My parents really believed I would get homesick and want to come home.
I am on Month 6 of the Race, and I am far from being homesick and ready to come home.
The first half of the trip for me was really focused on myself. I was growing spiritually and growing as a person. I spent a lot of time asking God to reveal things in my life that needed to be removed.
I went through several different seasons so far this race. I went through abandonment, brokenness, and dependency the first 3 months.
I was in abandonment for a short season but it was a good season for me. I had to let go of home, family, friends, my Church, and life before the race. I had to give them all to God and focus on what God had in store for me this race.
It was hard to let go of all the things that were comforting to me. For many years I leaned on these things but I was ready to give them up and allow God to do a work in me.
After a long talk with Aaron our squad leader I realized I needed to start praying for brokenness. I prayed for about two weeks that God would break me from any and everything that needed to be removed from life.
Our squad joined H, I , and K squad, world race alumni, and staff at the Awakening Conference. I attended the first worship service and God begin to break me.
It was hard to go through and it was just the beginning of brokenness. God revealed things that needed to go in my life. He showed me things that I was holding on to that were really holding me back from the fullness of Him.
After several weeks of dealing with brokenness and really figuring it all at I finally saw that light at the end of the dark tunnel. I knew it was worth it because God was making me a better person.
As I was dealing with brokenness I realized so much about myself. I realized I found a lot of self worth in people, things, and past experiences. I realized I was holding on to past failures and living in shame because of them.
I had a lot of weight lifted from my shoulders after this season of the race. It was a huge relief for me personally. I also realized that I was finally walking in freedom. I am now working on not picking these things back up.
I really thought I was going to get a break from dealing with the junk in my life. I should have known better. I hadn’t really even had time to process the different things yet when I realized I was starting to go through dependency.
Dependency was the hardest season for me. I saw leaning on God and others as a weakness. I wanted to be able to do it my way and the way that was most convenient for me.
We were in Bulgaria during this time. It was our ATL month where we were depending on God to provide. It was the month for me that I realized I didn’t choose my team, God did. I didn’t have a choice in what was happening around me.
I did not have the comforts from home or other options. I was stuck and had to play the cards that were dealt to me. It wasn’t easy and I found it frustrating.
I finally gave in and just started to depend on God and allow Him to guide me through this time in my life. It was amazing how much better life started to be for me when I really started to depend on Him.
Around month 4 I started to realize the importance of living each day for that day. I was really bad about holding on to yesterday or planning tomorrow instead of enjoying the that day.
Living each day really gives me a freedom that is hard to describe. I like to look a head and plan life the way I think it should look. Learning to live each day and lean on God to guide me through it has been more rewarding than I ever could have imagined.
I have learned a lot and it has really shaped me into a better person. I have had many ups and downs. I have cried but I have laughed more. I have made some pretty amazing memories in just five and half months.
I am excited to start putting all I have learned into action this next 5 months.
I have several areas I really want to grow in over the next few months. I am no where close to being where I want to be but im growing daily and that is all that matters to me.
I want to have more Grace and Mercy. I also want to be a more loving and judge less. I also want to think more before I speak. These are areas I struggle in but I know that God can help me and I am willing to give it my all to work in these areas.
I am really glad I obeyed God and left my comfort zone to join 40 or so other amazing sisters and brothers in Christ to discover who we are as women and men of God and allow God to work in us and through us.
I am so blessed to be who I am and where I am today. I am very thankful for all of you who have made this journey possible for me. I appreciate all your prayers and support. Many of you went above and beyond to help make this possible.
