I found myself going through the motions of worship the first few nights of praise and worship time. God was there but was I really giving HIM my all in my praise and worship? What was missing? Why was I just doing enough to feel God and let that be all? I wanted more but didn’t want to do what it took to have more. I don’t know why I would want just a little of ALL that God has for me. The first few nights of camp I became spiritually broken and I was drained. The more I gave to God the more my worship became alive and not just going through the motions. The more I gave to God the more I felt like I was FREE to worship. A few nights into worship I also realized that I had to worship in my own style and not how the others around me where doing it. I began to find my style of worship which also helped with worship coming alive for me. The words to the song meant something to me now and I was just not singing along. I was following my heart with worship and not what those around me were doing. I just knew I was finally doing all I could in worship but I WAS WRONG. Wednesday night is where it all came real to me.
I was standing with my eyes closed with my hands raised and was praying to God. I could hear God really working in people all around me. People were being moved by God all over the room but I wasn’t feeling God . Why was HE not working in me and what was I doing wrong? I almost just sat down in my chair but I decided to continue to pray and not stop till God moved in my life. As I continued to pray I began to weep and feel this pain in my stomach and heart. I then felt a hand on my stomach and he began to pray and told me God is going to take that pain to just give it to HIM. I then prayed God take this pain ALL of it. I felt the pain for a few minutes and then it was GONE all of it. The peace in my heart was amazing. Why had I been holding on to the pain and hurt for so long? Then I thought that was all He had for me that night. I WAS WRONG AGAIN. Then I heard HE wants to free you of your worship! Then I began to worship God and it was the most awesome feeling I have ever experienced. I was able to worship in the way I had longed for.
This is just one of the many amazing experiences that I had at camp. I am still processing camp and the personal changes in my life. I am so thankful for all God has done in my life. I know that this experience was very difficult and draining at times but I would not trade any of it. It was all for a reason and I am so blessed to personally have broken and filled with God so that I could be freed of my worship.
Lord I give you my heart, I give you my soul, I live for you alone, every breath that I take, every moment im awake, Lord have your way!
