What is the “right” time?
When is it the most “appropriate”?
How do you love Jesus the “correct” way?
Life moves at an extremely fast pace, things intrude into our schedule, and we forget how to love Jesus. I forget how to love Him. I have learned that the pace of life can feel like it has its hand on your back pushing you along as your feet are trying to keep up with its movements. And in an attempt to not stumble on our feet at its pace we try to out smart life by planning ahead, preparing ourselves for the next day, pushing what was for today to the tomorrow of tomorrows, all the while we are missing the day laid in front of us. We get comfortable in missing the present to prepare for the future but then we look around and we are lost. We lose the present and its purpose.
Sitting, bundled up under a blanket, in the basement of a cold shower house in outer Mongolia I found myself faced with questions. Every time I closed my eyes I could see them in large font on the insides of my eyelids, staring at me. While they challenged me they seemed to awaken me in the same instance.
Why not now? What is the wait for? Where has your affection gone?
Even now the feeling in the pit of my stomach seeing those questions painted before me makes me ache. I hadn’t even noticed it. Life had moved so fast that I lost my affection, I lost my Love. One could get angry at time or all the external factors that could play a vital role in this loss but truly I had to come to terms that I had let the pace of life sweep me away rather than Him, life itself, sweeping me away.
I didn’t have the answer or the solution yet but I just sat in that question. “What is the wait for?” Why was I waiting for tomorrow to love Jesus? Why was I holding back my love?
There is two different moments, two different women, that Papa began to show me to free me from my feeling of lost love.
The first woman, is found in Luke 7:36-50, she was a sinful woman (reminder: like all of us) and conclusions can be made that she was a prostitute. Barging into a dinner that she was never invited to she threw herself at the feet of Jesus and she began to weep, to pour out her heart and affection upon Him. She didn’t care about timing or being appropriate. She wasn’t invited and she was definitely not welcomed by the company surrounding her in the room. Her focus, her intention, was set on Jesus. No other purpose was fueling her every decision and movement. Time, cultural appropriateness, and saving face were not even in her thoughts; the only thought that could be brought to her mind and acted upon was: love Jesus, love Jesus, love Jesus. Jesus goes on to tell the disciples that she knows how to love and whatever she has done it had passed away because “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8) She knew affection was her freedom. Our love set on His love frees us.
Secondly, I think of Mary in John 12:1-8, she knew who Jesus was and she could be satisfied with just that but she knew the importance of affection. Pouring out costly oil upon His feet, she made it clear that she wasn’t just around Him for His miracles or His words, but to love Him and the goodness that He brought to her. Immediately, once she began to give all of her affection, the fragrance filled the room. And I don’t believe this was just the physical fragrance from the oil but her worship and affection was changing the room, shifting the atmosphere. We can become familiar with Jesus, it’s very possible. Just the way we as humans and lovers give affection and adoration to our partners so should we be with Jesus. If two lovers don’t speak of their love or put their love to any action with one another we usually see the death of that relationship because affection fuels the pursuit of love. We need affection to love well. Jesus makes a comment of her pursuit and He says that, “Assuredly, I say to you, wherever this gospel is preached in the WHOLE world, what this woman has done will also be told.” Her affection shifted the very room she was standing in and also shaped generations to come.
“Our affection, our devotion, poured out on the feet of Jesus. We’ll let it all go, just like Mary did. If you don’t do it in here, you won’t do it somewhere else. So let it all go, it’s revival to let it all go.”
This line of a spontaneous worship song loops in my head daily. What am I waiting for? The sinful woman didn’t wait for the right time or when it would be “appropriate” she just loved with no reservations. Where has my affection gone? Mary could have lost her affection after knowing of Him already but yet she still knew that without affection, without having Him, without loving Him, all was meaningless.
Affection fuels the pursuit of love.
And I don’t want to lose sight of affection just because life feels like its on the fast track around me. He reminds me more and more everyday of just how much my entire existence and being is wrapped up in the totality of who He is.
I choose to not concern myself with the right timing, looking appealing to others, or getting caught up in the details of loving “correctly” because it’s not the presentation but the motivation of the affection that is seen to Him.
Don’t lose your love.
