If you read my last blog you may have read something along the lines of:
“maybe he will start to trust love and that it can be genuine and real.”
A few mornings after those words left the tip of my fingers on my keyboard it became my challenge as well. As I looked into the eyes of that same boy, Joshua sitting before me, God challenged me and asked if I believe that love can last. Do I believe that it can make a difference? Do I believe that it can be long lasting and impactful?
I have to choose to believe that it can be, for my sake and for Joshua’s sake.
These nights leading up to our departure I try to paint the scene and imagine the feelings that will invade my mind and heart that moment when we pull away in our tuk tuk. I can see myself standing in the front port area, I had just thrown my backpack down on the ground to try and move it to our tuk tuk but i am frozen. My eyes are caught, fixed on the kids. It’s like if I shift my gaze I’ll lose them forever. The heart in my chest is pounding and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I have to fight and stay strong for them, they can’t see me like this it’ll hurt more.
And then there he is. He comes walking through the front door like he does every morning, in his own little world, and then he sees me. This is the moment I want to stand still in my mind. His sweet cheeks, bashful smile, and the eyes that get him anything he wants. Yes, that is the Joshua I want to never forget.
The thoughts cross my mind: “what he be like in a few years?” “Will he be happy?” “Will he know his full purpose and destiny in life?”
All of these questions are okay and natural to think but the main question I have boils down to “is he going to be okay tomorrow? When I am not here and I can’t be there for him?”
And that is where my trust challenge enters in. Can love last? Can it take care of someone when you are absent? Can what we sow in love really make a difference?
In my mind when I picture myself taking one last glance at him and then turning away to face the hard feelings of goodbye I have to trust. I have to believe that what was given through a touch, an encouragement, an English lesson, or teaching him some ukulele, and the still small moments — I have to believe that it will matter, that it will go on to effect his future and his children’s future.
No matter who you stop and love today encourage and challenge yourself that one seed of love or a lifetime of love can make a difference even when you don’t see the fruit of that love.
Trust love. Trust that it can keep loving even when you are not physically there to do so anymore. Because God Himself is love we are just an extension of what is always giving and showing to those around us.
Trust love.
