The other day I was driving in my car (where most of my moments with Jesus tend to happen) and I was asking Him what I should write next and I kept hearing Him say, “tell your story.” I think we forget the power of our stories because we get so used to them. God pursued our hearts with such passion, as He still does, for a reason. Revelation 12:11 doesn’t just say that we will over come by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony for no reason. Your story has purpose, it has meaning, it has power.
I’ll spare you all the childhood build up and start at my major pre-Jesus era. That lands us somewhere in my eighth grade year of middle school. I was the kid dressed in black, atheist, depressed, and just lonely. I had friends but my emotions and thoughts made me feel so alone in the world. I found myself locked into this dark abyss and nothing seemed to help me escape; writing suicide notes and dark poetry were my sense of relief. Words that seemed to define me were ones like “nothing”, “useless”, “mistake.” I lived with those words.
Over the course of the next two years I found my home in that distress. In my freshman year, I had a friend who was a Christian but never pushed me or forced me to change, she just loved. Little did I know that through our friendship God was secretly breaking my walls down to trust again. I found myself on a church trip to an amusement park that had rides in the day and Christian music at night by people like Jeremy Camp (that I had never heard of before). For the first time that night I saw someone raise their hands in worship, tears streaming down their face and I was overwhelmed because I had never witnessed such genuine faith. It still wasn’t enough to break my atheist mentality but it planted a seed.
Weeks passed by and I remembered that moment but in my mind it was still too far fetched; I had no experience with what they were experiencing. Until one night, alone in my room, I was tossing and turning and couldn’t get to sleep no matter how hard I tried. It was in that moment I felt the pursuit of Jesus, a man that I didn’t even acknowledge or believe existed, pursuing my heart. Holy Spirit is so gentle that He just snuck into my heart and allowed me to discern that moment, to know it was God. I never felt such love. Saying that His love is overwhelming doesn’t even seem like enough to express it.
That night He began to so tenderly and softly heal my heart of past offenses, speak peace to my confused mind, and bring love where I had never felt love before.
I belonged. I was home.
Since that moment my life has truly not been the same. I’ll forever be undone by Him looking at me that night and loving me despite all my mess. Even when I didn’t believe in Him, He believed in me. He is perfect in every way, full of love, unending amounts of grace, and crazy life giving joy!!
beautiful. loved. daughter. unique.
I live with those words now.
What words do you live by? What’s your story? The world needs to hear YOUR story. Tell it.
(side note: I spared lots of details for the sake of keeping it short. If you want to hear more of the details shoot me a message on Facebook and I would love to share all He has done!)
