Just a brief (or maybe not so brief) peek into what God has been doing in my heart aside from the fact that He is breaking it for the people of Tambo de Mora. It is not the easiest thing in the world for me to step back and look in at my own heart and mind, but I am going to try to do it for you now. God has been drawing me in, driving out fear, showing me His love for me as His daughter, and showing me the meaning of being my Father.
A few nights ago we, our whole squad (all 25 or so of us racers), came together with the folks who are training us as they prayed over us. They called on the Holy Spirit to come and anoint us to work for the Kingdom here in Peru. It was an incredible time where God showed up in visible, tangible ways. The Holy Spirit brought me to the ground and really worked on me while a few of my teammates prayed and prophesied over me. God was speaking. These teammates prayed things over me that they had no way of knowing, things that I keep hidden in the depths of my heart. Issues that I hide of fear and insecurity. God is big, and He speaks, and He wants so desperately for us to listen because He has words for us, and love to pour over us, and it has been absolutely incredible to be able to come into a community that is so surrendered and sensitive to how He works and to how much He really can do. God wanted to do several things for me that night; to encourage me, to push me, and to just love on me.
One specific thing that was prayed over me was to let go of my inhibitions and walls, let my light shine, to be bold and step out, to NOT BE AFRAID. That has been a recurring theme in my live over the last 90 days in preparation for this trip, and God really solidified it and brought that fear out of me. It will be a daily thing that I consciously surrender, but the Spirit was drawing it out once and for all.
Another thing that was spoken over me was that I needed to let my creativity fly and use it and use it boldly. Friends and family, you may not know this, but I am extremely timid and judgmental of myself when it comes to my work. I have been very insecure and have been hesitant to be bold and confident in my gift. The Lord was calling me out on that. The creativity inside of me is from Him, and He expects me to use it boldly and to use it to glorify Him and bring His people to Him. And since then, opportunities have been coming out of the woodwork to help with the media we are trying to pull together for the race and the people and issues we want to cover.
And finally, I long to fall in love with God this year. Really intimately, deeply, sold-out, giant, surrendered love. And I long to understand His love for me. So, God said, okay, lets get started on that love process. Again, while the Spirit was working on me and I was being prayed over, someone prayed these words… “Andi, you are the apple of His eye.” And in case you don’t know, that is how my dad has always referred to me. So, knowing those endearing words and how they apply between me and my earthly father, to hear that in the context of how my Father in Heaven loves me spoke volumes. He was relating to me and loving me in the baby step ways I could understand.
So, God is big, He knows everything, He knows intimately what I need, what I desire, what I fear. He speaks. Not just in the past. Not just when Jesus walked. But He speaks and acts today. He is working on all of our hearts here. He is preparing us for a year of hugeness. He is starting to break us and stretch us. He is showing us how to love and love others as He loves them. He is driving us to give voices to the voiceless and hope to the hopeless. And I pray He will continue to draw us into His arms and romance us as we go out to be His hands and feet.