One Hundred Sixteen Peacocks
There are 116 lace peacocks on the curtains.
There are 35 vertical panels across from my bed.
There are 7 steps from my bed to the bathroom door.
There are 2 black dots on the ceiling above my bed that resemble bugs.
How or why do I know this?
Because I have spent a total of 13 out of 18 days here in Romania….in my bed. At my dorm.
Isolated and alone.
Sick, tired, ill, and crying.
Romania has obviously not been my favorite month.
Not because of the people or the ministry here.
Because of my prison I have been chained to.
Traveling to 2 continents in 3 days is tough on anyone.
Throw in 4 parasites and worms in your intestines.
And your new friend, Jet Lag.
A radically different climate.
And no sleep because you are too excited to spend time with your fiancé through a surprise visit during your layover…
A room covered in black mold…that…just so conveniently, I am highly sensitive and allergic to.
….and you pretty much got the background information necessary for this entry.
April 12-I was nauseated from a medication I have to take once every 3 months. No big deal. Just needed to rest from the ole’ pal Lag and so I would not puke on anyone. No problem. Happens every time.
April 13-started getting sick… just regular ole’ head cold and congestion. I can handle it. So… stay in one more day just to fully recover from everything. It really sucks because this is when all the introductions begin. This is the first step of building new relationships….and….I’m stuck in bed…. Insert sarcastic “grrrrrrreat” here.
April 14. Getting worse.
April 15. Its Easter here in Romania! I get to go to church.. But…my body is starting to collapse, quickly.
April 16. If you use the word “progressively” when referring to something worsening, is it used properly? Either way… getting progressively worse.
April 17: Start to become unresponsive. Harder to wake up. I get sent to a private clinic doctor. Doctor tells me that I have what they call the Romanian Flu. Heck…I’m not sure if I’ve even had the flu before… what does that mean?! She gives me a bunch of medication toward wellness again.
April 18: In Bed. Worse. Fever. Chills. Body Aches.
April 19: Bed….again… medications are starting to work….slightly better. Marginal improvement. Kidnapping by Mama G.
April 20: Natural remedies and medications working. Go back to doctor for follow up. Rest is required.
April 21: Deceived by brain that says I’m ready and energized but body is impossible to keep up with daily tasks. Lungs hurt. Wheezing.
April 22: Starting to feel better. I think the Romanian Flu is almost over! Headache, shortness of breath, minor things …but… something is not quite right with digestive system… overlook it. No big deal, right?
April 23: Wrong. Significant amount of blood in stool… three times. Starting to feel bad with my digestive system.
April 24: Started panicking. Bloody diarrhea, nauseated. Breaking point. Lots of tears, lots of questions.
April 25: Intense sharp pains in abdomen. Scared. Migraines.
April 26: Vomiting. Fevers. Abdomen pains. ….Can not even describe what is happening with my body. I can no longer answer how I am feeling. I honestly… do not know anymore.
Long story short, the Doctor is great. I do not doubt her professional abilities or even her drug administration. However, one of the medications I received is an experimental drug that is approved here in Romania but not in the States. It has been known to mask infections and can also rip the lining out of stomachs and intestines. That explains a lot.
Add in that I still have parasites which might have moved into my liver and lungs…according to my very trusted nurse friend here on the squad with me. Maybe not… but… it is a possibility. It is still up in the air right now if I will go have an ultrasound.
Why am I telling you all this?
I mean… seriously… why all the gloom and despair?
Well… in the blogs that I will soon write [[now that ….well….if I’m honest, I’m not strapped to my bed with a migraine that prohibits me to think or write anymore…I am just an occasional floater between here in my bed and the bathroom… I actually feel like I can write some…so.. Soon, I will.]]
But.. Because, as you will soon discover… Romania is a dark and depressing country. Not even figuratively. Literally. There is a lot of darkness…both physical and spiritual here…
Some days, I’ve questioned and prayed if my sickness was a real attack from the Prince of Darkness…
But, back to my question….
Why am I telling you this?
Because….
I have been faced with a decision…everyday.
Am I going to let this thing defeat me…or am I going to fight against it?
Surely, it is easier to just give up, check out and sleep until the next day has come.
But…
I have chosen to fight.
The race has been hard… and… more days than I’d like to admit, I just want to go home.
But, the Lord has been radically changing my heart because of Honduras…
I am starting to actually have desire to be here.
Not just be here because I know it’s the “textbook answer” or what I should say to gain supporters.
No… I actually want to be here…
And, it is starting to out weigh my homesickness for my fiancé.
So, I fight. I try to get better. I have try to have the best of attitudes.
And… honestly…
Sigh.
I am tired.
I am worn out.
I am physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually burnt out.
I desire to fight… but….I have only one ounce of it left in me.
The 24th, I had my breaking point. I don’t have anything left in me to do this. I cried… a lot.
To smile.
To be cherry.
To not be irritable.
To walk.
My body is completely trashed at this point…
I am too worn out.. Too burnt out…
And at this point, I just want to be cuddled up with Justin with a grilled cheese sandwich, loaded bake potato soup…with a diet dr pepper…watching a chick flick.
I can not do it.
I just can not do this.
I can not finish the race.
Bingo.
This is exactly what the Lord wanted me to discover.
Apparently, I am very stubborn and do not take clues the first go round.
Without sounding too “churchy” or rehearsed Sunday school answer…
I have found depth, significance, value and understanding in Nehemiah 8:10.
“Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
I can not do this… but… Christ in me can.
He is my strength.
He can finish this race.
He enables me to choose joy and to choose life.
So, that is what I am trying to do…regardless that I am laying here, cooped up in bed for yet another day.
Choose Jesus.
Choose His strength.
Choose Life.
…..Choose Joy.
One Hundred Sixteen Peacocks
There are 116 lace peacocks on the curtains.
There are 35 vertical panels across from my bed.
There are 7 steps from my bed to the bathroom door.
There are 2 black dots on the ceiling above my bed that resemble bugs.
How or why do I know this?
Because I have spent a total of 13 out of 18 days here in Romania….in my bed. At my dorm.
Isolated and alone.
Sick, tired, ill, and crying.
Romania has obviously not been my favorite month.
Not because of the people or the ministry here.
Because of my prison I have been chained to.
Traveling to 2 continents in 3 days is tough on anyone.
Throw in 4 parasites and worms in your intestines.
And your new friend, Jet Lag.
A radically different climate.
And no sleep because you are too excited to spend time with your fiancé through a surprise visit during your layover…
A room covered in black mold…that…just so conveniently, I am highly sensitive and allergic to.
….and you pretty much got the background information necessary for this entry.
April 12-I was nauseated from a medication I have to take once every 3 months. No big deal. Just needed to rest from the ole’ pal Lag and so I would not puke on anyone. No problem. Happens every time.
April 13-started getting sick… just regular ole’ head cold and congestion. I can handle it. So… stay in one more day just to fully recover from everything. It really sucks because this is when all the introductions begin. This is the first step of building new relationships….and….I’m stuck in bed…. Insert sarcastic “grrrrrrreat” here.
April 14. Getting worse.
April 15. Its Easter here in Romania! I get to go to church.. But…my body is starting to collapse, quickly.
April 16. If you use the word “progressively” when referring to something worsening, is it used properly? Either way… getting progressively worse.
April 17: Start to become unresponsive. Harder to wake up. I get sent to a private clinic doctor. Doctor tells me that I have what they call the Romanian Flu. Heck…I’m not sure if I’ve even had the flu before… what does that mean?! She gives me a bunch of medication toward wellness again.
April 18: In Bed. Worse. Fever. Chills. Body Aches.
April 19: Bed….again… medications are starting to work….slightly better. Marginal improvement. Kidnapping by Mama G.
April 20: Natural remedies and medications working. Go back to doctor for follow up. Rest is required.
April 21: Deceived by brain that says I’m ready and energized but body is impossible to keep up with daily tasks. Lungs hurt. Wheezing.
April 22: Starting to feel better. I think the Romanian Flu is almost over! Headache, shortness of breath, minor things …but… something is not quite right with digestive system… overlook it. No big deal, right?
April 23: Wrong. Significant amount of blood in stool… three times. Starting to feel bad with my digestive system.
April 24: Started panicking. Bloody diarrhea, nauseated. Breaking point. Lots of tears, lots of questions.
April 25: Intense sharp pains in abdomen. Scared. Migraines.
April 26: Vomiting. Fevers. Abdomen pains. ….Can not even describe what is happening with my body. I can no longer answer how I am feeling. I honestly… do not know anymore.
Long story short, the Doctor is great. I do not doubt her professional abilities or even her drug administration. However, one of the medications I received is an experimental drug that is approved here in Romania but not in the States. It has been known to mask infections and can also rip the lining out of stomachs and intestines. That explains a lot.
Add in that I still have parasites which might have moved into my liver and lungs…according to my very trusted nurse friend here on the squad with me. Maybe not… but… it is a possibility. It is still up in the air right now if I will go have an ultrasound.
Why am I telling you all this?
I mean… seriously… why all the gloom and despair?
Well… in the blogs that I will soon write [[now that ….well….if I’m honest, I’m not strapped to my bed with a migraine that prohibits me to think or write anymore…I am just an occasional floater between here in my bed and the bathroom… I actually feel like I can write some…so.. Soon, I will.]]
But.. Because, as you will soon discover… Romania is a dark and depressing country. Not even figuratively. Literally. There is a lot of darkness…both physical and spiritual here…
Some days, I’ve questioned and prayed if my sickness was a real attack from the Prince of Darkness…
But, back to my question….
Why am I telling you this?
Because….
I have been faced with a decision…everyday.
Am I going to let this thing defeat me…or am I going to fight against it?
Surely, it is easier to just give up, check out and sleep until the next day has come.
But…
I have chosen to fight.
The race has been hard… and… more days than I’d like to admit, I just want to go home.
But, the Lord has been radically changing my heart because of Honduras…
I am starting to actually have desire to be here.
Not just be here because I know it’s the “textbook answer” or what I should say to gain supporters.
No… I actually want to be here…
And, it is starting to out weigh my homesickness for my fiancé.
So, I fight. I try to get better. I have try to have the best of attitudes.
And… honestly…
Sigh.
I am tired.
I am worn out.
I am physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually burnt out.
I desire to fight… but….I have only one ounce of it left in me.
The 24th, I had my breaking point. I don’t have anything left in me to do this. I cried… a lot.
To smile.
To be cherry.
To not be irritable.
To walk.
My body is completely trashed at this point…
I am too worn out.. Too burnt out…
And at this point, I just want to be cuddled up with Justin with a grilled cheese sandwich, loaded bake potato soup…with a diet dr pepper…watching a chick flick.
I can not do it.
I just can not do this.
I can not finish the race.
Bingo.
This is exactly what the Lord wanted me to discover.
Apparently, I am very stubborn and do not take clues the first go round.
Without sounding too “churchy” or rehearsed Sunday school answer…
I have found depth, significance, value and understanding in Nehemiah 8:10.
“Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
I can not do this… but… Christ in me can.
He is my strength.
He can finish this race.
He enables me to choose joy and to choose life.
So, that is what I am trying to do…regardless that I am laying here, cooped up in bed for yet another day.
Choose Jesus.
Choose His strength.
Choose Life.
…..Choose Joy.
There are 116 lace peacocks on the curtains.
There are 35 vertical panels across from my bed.
There are 7 steps from my bed to the bathroom door.
There are 2 black dots on the ceiling above my bed that resemble bugs.
How or why do I know this?
Because I have spent a total of 13 out of 18 days here in Romania….in my bed. At my dorm.
Isolated and alone.
Sick, tired, ill, and crying.
Romania has obviously not been my favorite month.
Not because of the people or the ministry here.
Because of my prison I have been chained to.
Traveling to 2 continents in 3 days is tough on anyone.
Throw in 4 parasites and worms in your intestines.
And your new friend, Jet Lag.
A radically different climate.
And no sleep because you are too excited to spend time with your fiancé through a surprise visit during your layover…
A room covered in black mold…that…just so conveniently, I am highly sensitive and allergic to.
….and you pretty much got the background information necessary for this entry.
April 12-I was nauseated from a medication I have to take once every 3 months. No big deal. Just needed to rest from the ole’ pal Lag and so I would not puke on anyone. No problem. Happens every time.
April 13-started getting sick… just regular ole’ head cold and congestion. I can handle it. So… stay in one more day just to fully recover from everything. It really sucks because this is when all the introductions begin. This is the first step of building new relationships….and….I’m stuck in bed…. Insert sarcastic “grrrrrrreat” here.
April 14. Getting worse.
April 15. Its Easter here in Romania! I get to go to church.. But…my body is starting to collapse, quickly.
April 16. If you use the word “progressively” when referring to something worsening, is it used properly? Either way… getting progressively worse.
April 17: Start to become unresponsive. Harder to wake up. I get sent to a private clinic doctor. Doctor tells me that I have what they call the Romanian Flu. Heck…I’m not sure if I’ve even had the flu before… what does that mean?! She gives me a bunch of medication toward wellness again.
April 18: In Bed. Worse. Fever. Chills. Body Aches.
April 19: Bed….again… medications are starting to work….slightly better. Marginal improvement. Kidnapping by Mama G.
April 20: Natural remedies and medications working. Go back to doctor for follow up. Rest is required.
April 21: Deceived by brain that says I’m ready and energized but body is impossible to keep up with daily tasks. Lungs hurt. Wheezing.
April 22: Starting to feel better. I think the Romanian Flu is almost over! Headache, shortness of breath, minor things …but… something is not quite right with digestive system… overlook it. No big deal, right?
April 23: Wrong. Significant amount of blood in stool… three times. Starting to feel bad with my digestive system.
April 24: Started panicking. Bloody diarrhea, nauseated. Breaking point. Lots of tears, lots of questions.
April 25: Intense sharp pains in abdomen. Scared. Migraines.
April 26: Vomiting. Fevers. Abdomen pains. ….Can not even describe what is happening with my body. I can no longer answer how I am feeling. I honestly… do not know anymore.
Long story short, the Doctor is great. I do not doubt her professional abilities or even her drug administration. However, one of the medications I received is an experimental drug that is approved here in Romania but not in the States. It has been known to mask infections and can also rip the lining out of stomachs and intestines. That explains a lot.
Add in that I still have parasites which might have moved into my liver and lungs…according to my very trusted nurse friend here on the squad with me. Maybe not… but… it is a possibility. It is still up in the air right now if I will go have an ultrasound.
Why am I telling you all this?
I mean… seriously… why all the gloom and despair?
Well… in the blogs that I will soon write…
[[now that ….well….if I’m honest, I’m not strapped to my bed with a migraine that prohibits me to think or write anymore…I am just an occasional floater between here in my bed and the bathroom… I actually feel like I can write some…so.. Soon, I will.]]
[[now that ….well….if I’m honest, I’m not strapped to my bed with a migraine that prohibits me to think or write anymore…I am just an occasional floater between here in my bed and the bathroom… I actually feel like I can write some…so.. Soon, I will.]]
But.. Because, as you will soon discover… Romania is a dark and depressing country.
Not even figuratively.
Literally.
There is a lot of darkness…both physical and spiritual here…
Not even figuratively.
Literally.
There is a lot of darkness…both physical and spiritual here…
Some days, I’ve questioned and prayed if my sickness was a real attack from the
Prince of Darkness…the enemy himself…
Prince of Darkness…the enemy himself…
But, back to my question….
Why am I telling you this?
Because….
I have been faced with a decision…everyday.
Am I going to let this thing defeat me…or am I going to fight against it?
Surely, it is easier to just give up, check out and sleep until the next day has come.
But…
I have chosen to fight.
The race has been hard… and… more days than I’d like to admit, I just want to go home.
But, the Lord has been radically changing my heart because of Honduras…
I am starting to actually have desire to be here.
Not just be here because I know it’s the “textbook answer”
or what I should say to gain supporters.
or what I should say to gain supporters.
No… I actually want to be here…
And, it is starting to out weigh my homesickness for my fiancé.
So, I fight. I try to get better. I have try to have the best of attitudes.
And… honestly…
Sigh.
I am tired.
I am worn out.
I am physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually burnt out.
I desire to fight… but….I have only one ounce of it left in me.
The 24th, I had my breaking point. I don’t have anything left in me to do this.
Not even to smile.
To be cherry.
To not be irritable.
To walk.
I just cried… a lot.
I just cried… a lot.
My body is completely trashed at this point…
I am too worn out.. Too burnt out…
And at this point, I just want to be cuddled up with Justin with a grilled cheese sandwich, loaded bake potato soup…with a diet dr pepper…watching a chick flick.
I can not do it.
I just can not do this.
I can not finish the race.
BINGO.
This is exactly what the Lord wanted me to discover.
Apparently, I am very stubborn and do not take clues the first go round.
Without sounding too “churchy” or rehearsed Sunday school answer…
I have found depth, significance, value and understanding in Nehemiah 8:10.
“Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
I can not do this… but… Christ in me can.
He is my strength.
He can heal my body in a way that medications can't.
He can heal my body in a way that medications can't.
He can finish this race.
He enables me to choose joy and to choose life.
So, that is what I am trying to do…this is where I am at…
regardless that I am laying here….
cooped up in bed for yet another day.
regardless that I am laying here….
cooped up in bed for yet another day.
Choose Jesus.
Choose His strength.
Choose Life.
…..Choose Joy.
