“But by means of their suffering, he rescues those who suffer. For he gets their attention through adversity.” Job 36:15
“He makes things happen to either punish people or to show his unfailing love.” Job 37:13
Sometimes it is so hard to look past ourselves, past our ambitions; and see God’s glory in things……especially when his glory is slowing us down. The truth is, God gets creative when he wants to teach us something. I love to be active, I love running in the morning, I even like working out. Running in the mornings in Africa is amazing…..the sunrise is breath-taking and I find praying to God comes easily. This month I was placed on a new team and honestly felt….not like myself. I don’t know what my role is on the team and I really messed my family (Team Dorcas). Logically, I knew that it is childish to think that way, and that I am here to bring Kingdom…..no matter who I am with. My heart, however, ached….surprisingly. So, I found solace in running and working out; and reading the bible. It seemed to be a good therapy……most people who know me, know that I don’t like to talk about my feelings too much. I’m always the “strong” one.
So……. I started to get sick: body aches, fatigue, stomach issues, headaches, weakness, etc. Being who I am, I ignored it and continued to do what I was doing. God knows I won’t rest (that’s a foreign concept to me). Well, I did stay back one day from ministry (with some convincing) and then the next day as well. Let’s just say I was going stir crazy…..so I decided to see how I would feel if I exercised. I got out of bed and was doing some P90X type of stuff……and on one jump I felt a pull in my back and down I went. Yep…..pulled my back out…. it was painful….sigh. “…only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength…” Isaiah 30:15
Let’s back up a bit. Back in Malaysia my new team leader (Tanna) told me that she felt like I needed to get away from everyone for a couple of days to just rest, to quit taking care of everyone. I laughed…..yeah right….this is The World Race….not possible. She was right….God knew that too….deep down I did too.
I thrive in hard work, that’s who I am. Unfortunately, it can often lead me away from God. I don’t rest in Him, I don’t slow down, and I give Him less of me. Hard work isn’t a bad thing, but it easily starts to become more about pleasing others. More about pride. “If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” Galatians 1:10. God’s been teaching me this lesson for quite some time, since high school. I was living a stressful life at home, trying to be the perfect student, athlete, etc.; and running a lot. My body broke down and I got very sick. For the next 8 or so years I was in and out of doctors, I lost a third of my body weight, and was pretty miserable. I am still affected by it today.
Then their is the time I wrecked my bike on my way to a training at work. I got back up, bleeding, with both wrists injured and continued to work. I called my mom, who came to my town to take me to the hospital…..but first I had her take me to my hair appointment (hey, I figured I wouldn’t be able to do my hair for awhile). She thought I had hit my head and yes I was in a lot of pain. After going to the hospital and having X-Rays (hairline fractures, severe jams), a tetanus shot for the puncture wound, and wound cleaning……I went back to work (with both wrists wrapped up). My boss had to practically force me to go home. Why would I do that??? I suppose it was pride, that I needed to be at work because I was a hard worker and in the middle of a project.
Fast forward to Thailand, in May, where I threw myself into building a cement brick wall. Many of us were upset that month, and it was a good outlet…..until a brick fell on my foot, causing a sore. The sore slowly got infected and my foot swelled up……I still worked out and worked on that wall. I didn’t go to the doctor until my contact’s husband practically dragged me. So, they dug a hole to get the infection out and left the hole with gauze sticking out. I got up the next day, in pain, but ready to work…..determined. Let’s just say, I wasn’t an easy person for my team leader and contacts. I refused to rest…..can I just plead insanity….please?
“…But they are deeply guilty, for their own strength is their god.”
God gave me endurance, long suffering, strength, movement, and so much more. It’s all His strength, though, His gift to me……to His temple. His Temple……it’s up to me to take care of it…..to REST. Even Jesus rested: “The Jesus said, Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile…” Mark 6:31 This is a hard reality for me. Even now, I am laying in bed while my team is out doing ministry. I feel guilty, lazy, and stir crazy. When they come back and work out….I so badly want to join…..it tears me up more then it should. But, how long will I continue to be so stubborn…..when will I have that kind of desperation for God? I don’t think it’s necessarily about the exercising, the hard work, or taking care of others…..it’s more about learning to rest in Him. To always keep him as the focus and to glorify Him in all things. It’s more about pride, humility, growth, and the biggest of all…..rest. Troubles, hurt, and issues won’t go away by losing ourselves in things….whether it’s substances or other “addictions”. Only God can fill the emptiness, can ease the hurt, can fulfill all our desires. God is God, we are Not. You can’t hide anything from the all-knowing….so give it all to Him….the good, the bad, and the ugly.
“For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
Christ gives me strength, I don’t get it on my own. Something I have always known, but have allowed to get lost in my own self…..my biggest nemesis……in a way…..:)
