What to say about training camp. Many things really, but I will try to get to the point. I’ll be honest, I was not very excited to go to training. I had no idea what to expect. First of all, I had literally switched routes from route 3 to route 4 2 days before I was to leave for camp. So I had no idea who was on my team now. Let me take a step back and give you a little background.
I was accepted on the world race in February. When this happened, I was beyond excited. After I graduated college, I began to have some serious doubts of whether I should actually go on the race as well as question what my true motives for wanting to go where. Was it really The Lord calling me to do this, or was it because my sister, whom I greatly look up too, went in 2009? I began to have nightmares about the race and what they meant. I would wake in panics, covered in sweat. It really scared me. Then I began to have a hard time falling asleep, because I was afraid of the dreams. This continued up till camp came.
To make things worse on myself, not once did I ever turn to The Lord to seek His voice and hear what he had to say about all of this. I continued to try and figure things out on my own and take control of the situation. I always think that I can handle everything on my own and I don’t need to turn to God. Wrong.
Now back to training. The first couple of days were really hard for me. I felt very disconnected from God and from the people on my squad. I kept to myself for the most part because I had been carrying so much baggage around and I felt almost guilty for even being there. People on my squad were opening up and sharing parts of their lives that were hard for them and things they had struggled with. I just wasn’t ready to do anything like that. These are people I don’t know. Why should I share my secrets and things I have struggled with in the past. I really considered telling my leaders that I did not think I could handle the race and that I shouldn’t go. Luckily, I finally began to give a little to The Lord. I’m not saying that I have everything figured out or that my life is put back together. But, I do feel much better about going on the race. I have much more comfort about it. Not to mention, the nightmares have stopped and I can sleep easy again.
That’s all for now. I will post again soon!
You are loved
