“If I lost weight, I’d be beautiful.”
“If I dyed my hair a different color, I’d be beautiful.”
“If I bought those clothes, I’d be beautiful.”
“If I had clear skin, I’d be beautiful.”
I’ve been telling myself those things for as long as I can remember. All I have ever wanted was to love myself and to have others love me, but because I never considered myself to me beautiful, I never thought those things could be accomplished. I literally thought that I was never going to find anybody that loved me, particularly a man that loved me enough that he would want to spend the rest of his life with me. Thinking that about myself was tough, especially since I have been planning my wedding and family since I was little (and Pinterest hasn’t helped my obsession), so thinking that I would never get that, made me hate myself more. Constantly seeking approval from myself and others gets tiring. After years of hating myself and my appearance, my self-confidence was very low, and then one day God spoke to me. He made me realize that I was beautiful by His standards, and even though I didn’t feel loved by the world, I was loved by Him, and that should be enough. I then realized that wanting to be beautiful, is not a bad thing, but wanting to be beautiful to the world is. The world sees beauty by being skinny, having the right color/ style of hair, having expensive clothing, and having a pretty face with clear skin. That is not beauty. Beauty is being kind hearted, a good example, and living for God and God alone. So even though I may never be the world’s type of beautiful, I am God’s, and I’m okay with that.
I have never shared that story/ those feelings with anybody before, and doing so now is making me feel extremely vulnerable, but there is a reason I’m sharing it. Yesterday I was talking to a man and he said to me “I have a young daugher, and I think what you are doing and how you live for God is such a good example for her and others.” Him saying that to me hit home. It made me realize that whether it’s my little sister, the small group of middle school girls I lead, or even just a family friend’s daughter, I have young girls looking up to me. I want those girls to strive to be beautiful in God’s eyes instead of the worlds, because in the end, that is what matters.
“Do not let your adorning be external. The braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
1 Peter: 3-4
